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MEs attitute to female sexuality -- Miss Edith, 05:49:20 01/12/03 Sun

Lately I've been thinking about B/S and the way it was presented. It seems to me that attitudes came across as a tad puritanical. We have Buffy coming across as the good girl being corrupted by the bad boy. A lot of people saw the storyline differently and saw Spike taking the traditional female role in the relationship and Buffy being the bad boyfriend (using partner for sex, beating in DT). A fairly revelationary concept if that was what was intended.

Yet in interviews it was made clear that we were supposed to be relating to Buffy and seeing her as being let astray by Spike. In DT she clearly says "Why do I let Spike do these things to me" when it was Buffy who had iniated the relationship. The writers have said they showed her kissing Spike and mounting him in Smashed so it was clear that she was not being taken advantage off. So I find the statement in DT puzzling. Again in SR Buffy tells Spike "I stopped you. Like I should have done a long time ago". Spike was the pursuer in season 5 but it was Buffy who started the relationship and controlled it threating Spike with death if her friends found out she had lowered herself into being with him.

In season 7 Buffy is still saying in CWDP that she did things with Spike that she is ashamed off. The only suggestion of kink was in DT with the handcuffs. Is it the outdoor sex that was considered so outrageous or was something happening between them that the audience doesn't know about? The reason I ask is that I must confess to having read a fair bit of spuffy fan fic in my time. Many writers love to up the kink and they give advice about how to use candle wax safely etc. So it bugs me that ME seem to think that something quite unsavery happened with B/S. Fair enough their relationship was unhealthy and a disaster. I stopped shipping the couple after season 6 so I would not say the relationship was a good one. But all the talk of the things they did together as being shocking and inflicted on Buffy annoy me. In fact Buffy was the one who wanted the rough sex. It was not the bad boy who forced it upon her in the version I saw. Spike had respectful sex with Anya and was gentle with the bot. Buffy was setting the pace in the relationshop with Spike. Look at how thrilled he was when Buffy wanted to make love gently in AYW.

Anya was unused to the proper way in which humans behave and her openeness sexuality was used as an example of how uncomfortable she could make others. When she slept with Spike Xander said he was sickened and she looked ashamed. But why? Is a female not allowed comfort sex after a relationship ending? What were ME even trying to imply there?

And Faith's love of sex was part of presenting her as a bad girl. She gave in to her urges and ended up going off the rails. It was implied she shouldn't have indulged so much and of course there was a background of sexual abuse hinted at.

I just get the impression that whilst ME do want to present a positive girl power message in some areas they are a little behind the times when it comes to presenting liberated female sexuality. Just the idea that the writers saw Buffy having sex with Spike in public as something scandalous. Okay it's not my cup of tea but to each their own and as long as B/S were being discreet and not hurting anyone what's the big deal? What do other posters think?

[> Attitudes can be buried so deep we don't even know they're there -- Sara, 06:20:18 01/12/03 Sun

I think you've really nailed some good points here. I was having similar problems with the Companion stuff in Firefly. I think many attitudes towards female sexuality, and even just male/female roles, behavior, abilities can be hard to recognize in ourselves. I'm really not sure whether its societal, biological or, as I'm inclined to think, a combination of both. I think its really good to call people on this stuff, because a lot of the time they don't know the subtext they're communicating.

[> Re: MEs attitute to female sexuality -- BEV, 07:09:33 01/12/03 Sun

umm...just a guess here, but Spike is, or was, umm...a corpse. At least Angel had a living soul. Spike was just empty, dead, flesh. I can see where she might have felt quite the necrophile. does it get kinkier?

[> [> Re: MEs attitute to female sexuality -- Miss Edith, 07:15:59 01/12/03 Sun

I understand that Buffy was repulsed by the idea of being with a soulless vampire. But there seemed to me that there was an implication of unsavoury sexual practices with Buffy weeping to Tara about the terrible things she has done. She does say " Why do I let him do these things to me?". Rather than simply confessing to Tara and later Holden that she had sex with Spike she seems to be at pains to stress the awful things they did together. Even in season 7 she is not taking responsibility for her sexual choices, she is talking of her giving in to Spike's perverted desires and painting herself almost as the virginal heroine who was corrupted by the bad guy. It's just not a message I'm very comfortable with.

[> Re: MEs attitute to female sexuality -- Cactus Watcher, 07:32:19 01/12/03 Sun

Considering the violence of the beginning of their physical relationship, I suspect that some of the 'games' that Buffy and Spike were playing during their private encounters were pretty disturbing. I think the key is that Buffy was appalled that she wanted that kind of sex and that it was taking over a large portion of her life. Willow wasn't the only one with an addiction. Since Spike loved her I suspect he would have given her any kind of sex she wanted. Buffy wouldn't be the first person male or female who wasn't 100% honest with themselves about their role in the midst of a bad relationship. And when Buffy finally does break it off she doesn't accuse him of anything. Instead she said, "I'm using you." I can imagine that among other things the rape scene had played out over and over between them with Buffy egging Spike on. The difference when we saw it was that Buffy wasn't physically in control of the situation and was saying no.

Some of this may have been lost in the bowdlerized versions of Buffy that seem to be running at times in Britain.

[> [> Re: MEs attitute to female sexuality -- Miss Edith, 07:54:10 01/12/03 Sun

The idea that Buffy was addicted to sex was what annoyed me. I mean come one the ending of Wrecked with Buffy shivering in her room surrounded by garlic and clutching a cross. It was the very obvious cliche of the big bad wolf coming to attack the pure girl in her tower. Buffy enjoyed good sex and she decided she was addicted to it and it was a sickness. That struck me as a poor message to be putting out there. It wasn't as if she was she needed sex constantly. She just needed some sex to release the tension and leapt to the conclusion that she was somehow addicted to Spike's penis.

I guess I just wish the relationship had been handled differently. All the bad boyfriend cliches didn't work for me. Has Buffy ever been allowed to enjoy sex without feeling guilty? Angel ended up with the guy turning evil, Parker discarded her. Riley stuck around but couldn't satisfy Buffy as she was out staking vampires after he fell asleep in BVD.

Like I said Anya had a healthy attitude to sex but it was used as part of what made her weird and non human. She didn't fit in and her frankness with sex talk was used as the elephant in the room. Perhaps I've just been watching too much Sex and the City where the female characters actually discuss their sex lives and what pleases them. One of the women even walkied in on the other giving a blowjob and was mortified. So I have trouble understanding why it is considered an horrendous embarrassment for Anya to mention that she and Xander use the gym for recreational purposes.

[> [> [> Re: MEs attitute to female sexuality -- CW, 08:40:39 01/12/03 Sun

I have to say it again. Buffy wasn't necessarily honest with herself while the relationship was on. The garlic and what-not was a sign she wanted to blame Spike. But, it wasn't necessarily him she was afraid of. I have to go back to her expressed inability to feel anything early that season. Given her reactions in between incidents, I'd have to say Spike (acting as bad boy or not)was just a thing to her, and if anyone else handy could have given her the same experience, she would have used them as well. She wasn't any different than Faith in that. It really was bad girl, not bad boy, and that was what really disgusted her, at least in my opinion.

It is disturbing that ME never allows her a normal relationship, but they've freeely admitted that torturing Buffy is a tried and true method of keeping fans watching. It's soap opera. Pain and misery sells, unfortunately.

[> [> [> [> Buffy's self-deceptions -- luna, 14:26:53 01/12/03 Sun

Maybe this is just restating what you are both saying, but it definitely seems to me that one theme of the Buffy-Spike relationship in S6 was that Buffy was in control but didn't want to admit it. In the only really "kinky" (mild by internet standards!) sex they showed, Spike was the one who wore handcuffs. It's my guess that in that kind of game, the literal control is a way of acting out the real psychology of the couple.

This is really in character for Spike, since clearly Dru was in control in his earlier relationship. Buffy on the other hand did not control Angel, and partly found the Riley relationship to be a problem because she really was stronger than Riley.

So one part of what was happening in S6 was not just her denial that she had chosen the Spike relationship but also a denial of her power in it.

In S7 I think she has understood that--at least accepted it. It will clarify things though to see what goes on now that Spike is at least temporarily out of the clutches of FE. I don't know that I see a renewal of their sexual relationship, but clearly they will be something to each other.

[> [> [> [> Re: MEs attitute to female sexuality -- Malandanza, 16:38:02 01/12/03 Sun

"The garlic and what-not was a sign she wanted to blame Spike. But, it wasn't necessarily him she was afraid of."

I agree with Miss Edith that the sex-as-addiction bit was inane -- on the other hand, I don't think it was Buffy blaming Spike so much as Buffy overidentifying (with Willow -- and putting too much credence in Spike's you've-got-me-in-your-system-you'll-crave-me-like-I-crave-blood self-indulgent, narcissistic rant) which is a well-established trait for her. It was certainly Buffy trying not to blame herself, but I don't see her overtly blaming Spike.

"I have to go back to her expressed inability to feel anything early that season. Given her reactions in between incidents, I'd have to say Spike (acting as bad boy or not) was just a thing to her, and if anyone else handy could have given her the same experience, she would have used them as well. She wasn't any different than Faith in that. It really was bad girl, not bad boy, and that was what really disgusted her, at least in my opinion."

I think that's only half the story -- yes, Buffy wanted an escape -- wanted to feel anything, just for a little while so she could feel as though she were alive and, for that, anyone would do. The other half of the story is that she was so filled with self-loathing that wanted to be abused and punished. She wanted someone to treat her as badly as she felt she deserved to be and not just anyone would do for that. It takes a special sort of person to turn a girl's pain into his own pleasure. Buffy's breakdown with Tara wasn't about having sex without commitment -- it was about allowing herself to become a victim and returning for more.

As for Miss Edith's point about the sex looking pretty tame -- I think that ME made a mistake when they decided to make the sex in season six as explicit as possible. Sex on American TV can be explicit or kinky but it can't be both without being censored or losing sponsorship. ME would have been better off making more handcuff scenes (allowing the viewer's to imagine what happened) and showing less of JM's body if they wanted to Spuffy to be in the running for Sunnydale's kinkiest couple. By making the decision to show as much skin as possible, Spike ended up looking only marginally more inventive than Riley. By constrast, we've seen very little of Xander and Anya's sex life, but we know about roleplaying, erotic sponge baths and spanking.

But I don't think Season Six was about Puritans and S&M -- the enduring image for me was Buffy crawling out of the grave and back into life in the finale. Throughout the season we saw Buffy being dragged into the darkness by Spike (or willingly enter the darkness with Spike) -- we saw Spike standing in Buffy's path over and over -- preventing her from moving foreward. In the same manner, Spike impeded Buffy's spiritual progress. She spent the season in the underworld because of his influence -- the dark sex was just a part of the general darkness in his world and it was not until he left town that she was able to struggle back to life (and I think DT was an important turning point for Buffy -- had she caved in to Spike's demands at that time, she would have been lost forever).

[> [> [> [> [> Oh so disagree -- Deb, 19:48:04 01/12/03 Sun

"She wanted someone to treat her as badly as she felt she deserved to be and not just anyone would do for that. It takes a special sort of person to turn a girl's pain into his own pleasure. . . . . .

Throughout the season we saw Buffy being dragged into the darkness by Spike (or willingly enter the darkness with Spike) -- we saw Spike standing in Buffy's path over and over -- preventing her from moving foreward. In the same manner, Spike impeded Buffy's spiritual progress. She spent the season in the underworld because of his influence -- the dark sex was just a part of the general darkness in his world and it was not until he left town that she was able to struggle back to life."

----------------------------------------------------------

Spike believed he did truely love Buffy. She's the one that initiated the sexual relationship, and it's tempo. I don't think he was using Buffy by taking advantage of her pain for his pleasure. I don't even see where this statement comes from. Perhaps you could present examples?
I think Spike wanted to believe that it was real, and when he saw that she was using him, though he didn't know why, he plainly told her he didn't want to be used, but he wanted all or nothing. (Invisible Buffy comes to Spike after saying she wanted him to stop seeing her.) She was quite happy being there with nobody being able to see her. Then Xander comes in, rather rudely I might add, and she just loves that fact that Xander "caught" them, but didn't even know he had. Spike is the one who told her to get dressed, if she could find her clothes and leave until she could decided that she wanted to be completely with him. Then she goes pouting about how Spike kicked her out.

Spike stood in Buffy's spiritual path? Spike prevented Buffy from moving forward? The spiritual path is dark. She didn't need Spike specifically to travel that path. You don't grow spiritually while in the "light." You can come to some realizations, but the hard work in done in the dark, or in the underworld as you put it. Very early on Buffy comes to realize that Spike is the only one who can travel that path with her and not get creeped out by her. So she believed that her friends would be creeped out. After watching half of season 3 for the first time, I can see why she might be afraid of this. Also, Buffy was very ambivalant about her feelings regarding Spike. She has never been indifferent about him, so to a certain degree she does love Spike in season 6 because she can feel all terrible about herself (hate) and he'll totally disagree with her. Both characters traveled down a dark spiritual path in Season 6, and it eneded in personal apocolypses. (They're still on those paths.) Spike learned at the end that not only he saw that he could not be a monster and could not be a man either, but everyone else saw and treated him just that way: He was nothing. Buffy learned that this soulless thing could have real feelings and could love, so she was capable of once again feeling and loving. (She still believed that Bad, Bad, Bad Spike put her through hell though.)

I don't intend to be harsh, but it appears to me that the comments in your post almost relieve Buffy of any responsibility for her own growth, thus supporting her rationalization that it is all Spike's fault that she feels so bad. Nobody can stop you from changing, growing unless you allow them to, but then you must take responsibility for allowing it to happen. Some of the greatest spiritual growth occurs because of the terrible things that happen to good people.

As for kinky sex. I think it was more like Buffy was torturing herself because she initiated sex with a souless thing, animal preditor. (I'm sorry I can't remember the brave person who actually said necrofilia (sp).) I've often wondered if she though she could give Spike a soul in the same manner she could rob Angel of his. This next statement is really out in left field, but it is based on some personal experience. Even, perhaps, in her etheral travels, Buffy met or experienced William's soul, but the memory of such was embedded in her unconscious upon returning.

Other kinky sex: big deal. I don't think Buffy said "no" until the bathroom scene, which does not make the "no" any less "No." I, too, don't see a return to sex for the two either, but someting tells me it will be Spike's decision in the end.

Finally, I agree that ME didn't know what they were doing when they wrote season 6 as they did. Totally played right into female sexual stereotypes. Just waiting to see if they do the "Madonna" thing.

[> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Oh so disagree -- ~Eris~, 20:33:02 01/12/03 Sun

Deb wrote:
"As for kinky sex. I think it was more like Buffy was torturing herself because she initiated sex with a souless thing, animal preditor. (I'm sorry I can't remember the brave person who actually said necrofilia (sp).)"


Hi Deb,

This might be the most obvious reason a slayer would be ashamed of being with a soulless vampire, but I don't think that is what ME was trying to show. They portrayed Spike as a person, and people unfamiliar with the show (a friend of mine is a great example) might not even realize he was a vampire (except for the flaming blanket in 'Gone' ).

What I've posted below is from my original reply to this main thread about the kinky sex. (My reply is titled "Little kinky sex shown in S6"). I decided not to include it initially because it was getting slightly off topic, but I saved what I typed and posted some of it here.



As someone also pointed out, they could have gone the route of sex with dead soulless vampire = necrophilia and bestiality, but they didn't. If anything, they showed Spike acting very human, watching TV, sleeping in a bed, etc. There was also little of Spike's game face, and actually *none* at all when B/S were having sex. I'm pretty sure we only saw it during fight scenes. There were little reminders in episodes that Spike was a vampire (him saying so in 'Smashed', blanket in 'Gone', preparing blood in 'DT', etc.), but these weren't portrayed to make us think this was the reason Buffy was upset and ashamed.

As for Spike being soulless, Buffy told him so on various occasions ('Smashed' and 'DT' the most memorable). But this didn't seem to be the reason she was ashamed. She used it in 'Smashed' to make him think he had no chance at all with her (after kissing him twice). It was part of her rant in 'DT' when she beat him. But she also said he "can't feel anything real", and we all know that isn't true. She was using his soullessness to tell herself it was OK for her to beat him and use him. She didn't even think about his past crimes or his potential for future crimes (good example is when she completely blew off his egg sceme in 'AYW'). She wasn't concerned about his evil influence on the public (she even joked with him about his evilness in 'HB'). She just wanted to convince herself he, as a soulless being, didn't really love her so that it was OK to use him like she was.

Her friends finding out seemed to be the biggest reason Buffy tried to avoid Spike in S6. As Buffy said herself, it was "reason number 1" ('AYW'). She didn't seem to have that big of a problem with Spike when she was alone with him (as long as he kept from putting his foot in his mouth, that is ). Buffy may have said Spike was "disgusting", but she acted anything but when they were together. She didn't make a gross face when they kissed or anything. She may have told him to stay away, but she always went back to him. In 'AYW' she admitted that she "wanted" him. I think it was her friends' view (Xander mostly) that Spike was a disgusting, evil, soulless creature that bothered her, not her own.


~Eris~

[> [> [> [> [> [> Darkness as an agent of spiritual growth -- Malandanza, 21:30:58 01/12/03 Sun

"Spike believed he did truely love Buffy. She's the one that initiated the sexual relationship, and it's tempo. I don't think he was using Buffy by taking advantage of her pain for his pleasure. I don't even see where this statement comes from. Perhaps you could present examples?"

I think "believed" is the operative word here. Spike also believed he loved Dru, yet offered her up as a sacrifice if Buffy would tell him he had a chance with her -- that's not love (John Hinkley, Jr. might disagree, but even he only offered to kill someone he didn't know -- Spike was willing to dust Dru). I think Spike discovered after the AR that Buffy was right -- he really didn't know the meaning of love.

As for Spike converting Buffy's pain into his gain, I think the best example is the balcony scene (which ~Eris~ mentioned below) but almost from the beginning, Spike was looking out for himself, never mind how much Buffy suffers. Way back in Life Serial, he began his walk-in-darkness/you're-a-creature-of-the-night routine -- this was when he was Buffy's only confidante -- she was never more alone, never more in need of a friend, and all Spike was interested in was how he could turn it to his advantage. When Spike says things like:

SPIKE: Only a matter of time before you realize. I'm the only one here for you, pet! You got no one else!

Smashed


he is playing on Buffy's worst fears. When he discovers he can hurt Buffy, he is elated. He uses this information to torment her. He hits Buffy where she is most vulnerable for no purpose other than his own benefit.

"I think Spike wanted to believe that it was real, and when he saw that she was using him, though he didn't know why, he plainly told her he didn't want to be used, but he wanted all or nothing."

He recanted rather quickly, saying "not complaining here" when Buffy later broke things off, saying that she'd been using him. I agree Spike wanted it all -- friendship and sex. He had Buffy's friendship, but lost it when the sexcapades began -- he gambled to try have both and lost everything. He thought sex was more important than friendship -- which is consistent since he thought so back when he was playing Iago to break up Riley and Buffy -- and discovered belatedly that he was mistaken. When he realized the friendship was gone, he tried to salvage the sex, but it was too late. It's sad for him, but it's not Buffy's fault. She is under no obligation to have sex with him.

"You don't grow spiritually while in the "light" ... Some of the greatest spiritual growth occurs because of the terrible things that happen to good people."

I think it's a mistake to assume darkness creates spiritual growth. Spiritual growth occurs in spite of the darkness; not everyone is capable of even surviving, let alone prospering, when the darkness descends. Some are consumed. A beautiful, unselfish act of kindness can also serve as a catalyst for spiritual growth. I think this is true in the Buffyverse as well. For example, I'd like to think that Buffy's offer to share her strength with Willow would serve Willow's spiritual growth better than, say, chaining her up in the basement and scourging her with whips.

"Finally, I agree that ME didn't know what they were doing when they wrote season 6 as they did. Totally played right into female sexual stereotypes. Just waiting to see if they do the "Madonna" thing"


I'm not saying that ME didn't know what they were doing with the writing -- rather, the execution. Fewer graphic sex scenes and more innuendo would have better served the storyline (imo). I am expecting the "Madonna thing" -- I think Spike has finally realized what kind of girl Buffy really is -- he never had a clue before. For Buffy to have risked so much to save someone who has devoted so much time to hurting her must be almost beyond Spike's comprehension -- an act of kindness that ought to help him on his spiritual journey much better than the emotional torture he inflicted upon Buffy "helped" her on her journey. Spike is moving towards Xander's viewpoint -- seeing Buffy as a saint rather than a sex object.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> OT - Darkness/Light and Growth -- Rahael, 01:41:10 01/13/03 Mon

"A beautiful, unselfish act of kindness can also serve as a catalyst for spiritual growth"

What follows is my very personal opinion. I offer it here because I feel quite strongly about this - not because I think it's the final word, or the only word or even the 'right' word. We have multiple truths.

Happiness, stability, love - those are the conditions that create good, whole people. I believe it and have to believe it because I have seen what happens to a whole community which has been traumatised, oppressed, starved, tortured, suffered routine disappearances and hunger and poverty.

It has created a people who have been brutalised and whose eyes are dead. Who turn away from each other and cannot reach out. Whose own pain blinds them to that of others. Suffering does not enoble. Little children who are forced to fight in armies do not 'grow'. Parents are not good parents when they are placed under such huge stresses. The results of severe darkness leave a community fractured and mentally ill. I cannot stress that enough. It is the reason why political change is not happening for us. Because when you are deadened, and have no hope, you think, why bother? why make any stand? When exceptional circumstances lead to change and growth in such communities, you will always notice afterwards that such societies continue to bear the wounds, continue to be volatile. We don't only need aid in terms of money and food, we need therapists sent out there (and some valuable work is being done by some close family friends). The same friend, who carefully left a questionnaire about PTSD on our kitchen table when I was younger - an act of thoughtfulness and kindness which started me on my path to reintegration.

When I think back to that time, I do not face it with equanimity. I face it with terror and fear. In my mind, I become that helpless girl who feared the faces of other human beings, more so than we will ever fear our imaginary monsters. I am never deceived into thinking that our family grew because we suffered (and we suffered much more lightly than many many others). My father is a wonderful man. I grieve for the person he could have been, if he hadn't been tortured for five years. It didn't make him grow. It stunted him. He can't LIVE with other people. It's very very hard for him. It's hard for him to share personal space with other human beings. And yet, this man still created a home full of love and support for me. He did it despite his pain. It's because he gave me love and stability that I can talk about this, and that I am happy and I can love, and this is all denied to him. It's so deeply unfair that when I was younger I used to weep for him. Imprisoned by his experiences long after he walked free from jail.

Good people are good people despite the outrages of life. That is why we have to work to undo injustices. I've discussed 'embracing the darkness' with KdS, when I've said to him that we mustn't ignore our darkside. But to be honest, when the debate comes to this point - I have to agree wholeheartedly with him and Mal.

What kept me strong through the dark times were the times of light. The knowledge of love kept my spirit alive, though hibernating. What do I mean by hibernating? I mean that I distrusted everyone. Panic attacks. Intense fits of depression. Post traumatic Stress disorder. No spiritual growth. Hard to be kind to other people, hard to be empathetic.

Just my opinion, mind you. Don't mean to be dismissive of other people's experiences. But no human being I've met has ever been improved by suffering. Many have struggled to retain their humanity despite it, and many have become worsened by it. Some human beings never come back. I can attest to it. The darkness seizes them, until they make the world dark for everyone else. That's NOT the darkness that I was arguing that we 'needed to face'. Even the relatively mild hardships I've undergone has left me emotionally volatile - there are parts of me that I am still trying to heal.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Hi Rah -- Deb, 05:01:16 01/13/03 Mon

We all have different experiences. Personally, my experience is that if I don't look back at the "bad" times in my life and learn something about myself from them -- make committments to change what I could change, that being only myself -- then I would feel like a victim, I would feel that the world was a dirty, disgusting place, and I would never give a person a second chance or the opportunity for that person (and myself) to grow. I would never attempt to put myself into someone else's shoes, or explore empathy. I would just remain stagnant.

Perhaps there is something wrong with me? Maybe I'm just a really "bad" person, and am totally self-absorbed? Perhaps I need another kick in the ass from life to wake me up so I can grow out of this phase, like it has always happened before.

I remember being 14 years old, and hell just seemed to rage all around me, always had. So I made this deal with God. I told s/he(Frank, ???) to just throw everything bad, sad, nasty, painful and shattering that I was to experience in this life at me as quickly as possible. (Kinda like being the only one left on your team in war ball, and the other side has about 10 players with two balls apiece. Just throw them all at once, over and over, and I'll catch at least one ball each time, and just try to dodge the others.) Then when all this stuff was over, I just asked to be happy. Well, I got what I asked for. But it did not play out exactly as I had imagined it would. I thought I would do all the neat "growth" stuff later in life, and life would be a garden of tulips, roses, mums and daisies, and there would be no weeds. Quite fanciful logic it was, but it was one of the two most important prayers, wishes, whatnot that I made in my life.

First thing that happened afterward was that my first love, think Buffy's Angel, was murdered, then a friend of mine committed suicide, then my mother became very sick and my father's business failed, and I had to lie about my age to get a job to help support the family financially as well as become the keeper of the hearth, home and family for the next few years. I was 15 years old, working in a bar serving drinks until 1:00 a.m. on school nights, walking over a mile home in the dark after getting off work, doing my homework, grabbing a couple of hours of sleep, making sure my younger sister was ready for the day, and maintaining an A- average so I could get a scholarship so I could go to college. After coming home from school I cooked, cleaned and did laundry, and life just kept coming at me. I was miserable, depressed, etc. but then I kept telling myself that I asked for it this way. Eventually, though, I began to doubt that there was a God, which is a very convienient thing to do when you want to blame everyone lese for everything bad that happens in your life.
But, God came through. When I was 28, I was given the choice of dying and "resting" -- or coming back. Well I had a 5 and 1/2 week old daughter! I was not about to leave her here with no one to help her.

Anyway, bad things kept happening, but my outlook regarding them changed. I did not know just how strong I had become since I was 14. I did not realize just how much faith I had in believing that I could handle anything. One attribute developed over the years has been useful to me and to others. When there is a crisis, I become highly effective. I think that's one reason I've always been drawn to "deadline" oriented work, and I end up in short-term positions that are designed to plan, impliment and drag everyone else through change. Once equilibrium is established, I'm heading out the door.

I have a great many faults, but I can live with them until it is time to work on them. I can't change everything at once. But I am happy, and that is the deal I made with God. I wanted to be happy, but that happiness developed during the journey through what many call darkness. I'm still on that journey, and it gets pretty dark at times, but I'm quite sure that I can deal with it.

I really don't believe I would be where I am spiritually today if life had been easier. I would have had no motivation to make a deal with God to learn how to be happy. It has been my observation that many people don't develop spiritually if life is too comfy, and they are often unhappy, or more so, when everything does not go their way all the time.

Right now I'm going through a difficult time, but it will end -- one way or another, and that's fine with me. I tell my daughter that I have worked hard for every single day of my life, and every poor choice made is mine, and every good choice made is mine. It's my life and it's my responsibility. And those people who have popped up during the darkest moments of my life journey to give a smile, to listen, to give me a piece of the puzzle about life were angels who just didn't know it until I told them they were.

So, I do believe that real spiritual growth is more facilitated by the journey through darkness, but it's usually in these times of darkness that people, who provide the "beautiful, unselfish acts" turn up, and it is never a coincidence.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Hi Rah -- Rahael, 06:04:51 01/13/03 Mon

We all have different experiences. Personally, my experience is that if I don't look back at the "bad" times in my life and learn something about myself from them -- make committments to change what I could change, that being only myself -- then I would feel like a victim, I would feel that the world was a dirty, disgusting place, and I would never give a person a second chance or the opportunity for that person (and myself) to grow. I would never attempt to put myself into someone else's shoes, or explore empathy. I would just remain stagnant.

But of course! That's my point about 'facing our darknesses', our internal ones. I just don't equate the kind of poverty and suffering that grinds human beings down and drains them of their joy and creativity as that 'kind' of darkness. I think of it as injustice.

Certainly, I am not unafraid to face my own internal darknesses, nor think hard and critically about my own behaviour. That is why I think that suffering does not include a get out clause, and I have to face the fact that when I'm in pain, I do not generally behave well. And I had to teach myself to transcend the pain and the darkness.

But I do not believe that it is only those who have faced hardships who can be empathetic and kind and unselfish. Many feel pain without having faced terrible trauma. We all of us understand what loss is, what rejection is, what cruelty is. Many of my friends are unhappier than I am - I remain at most times deeply grateful and appreciative of the world but I have a quality of sadness in my life which is inescapable. This sadness, this melancholy will visit many of us, it just came to me earlier. Older in years in some aspect than my peers, I am always conscious that in many ways I am immature in others. I am eager to learn from those who are happier, wiser, more tolerant than I am. I feel that my past has hampered a lot of my emotional development.

You relate a life far harder and more independent than mine ever was - I have much to learn from you, and many others here on this forum with incredibly diverse backgrounds. All of your very different lives can give me lessons to apply to my own. Just as I hope that my life can hold some positive messages for others. Those beautiful unselfish acts shine brighter in the midst of despair, but they happen all the time. It's just that they aren't so visible when you're not undergoing the dark night of the soul.

Perhaps there is something wrong with me? Maybe I'm just a really "bad" person, and am totally self-absorbed? Perhaps I need another kick in the ass from life to wake me up so I can grow out of this phase, like it has always happened before.

I hope you didn't derive this from anything I have said. I would never condemn a person for introspection. It would constitute a terrible hypocrisy on my part!!! My argument is that suffering doesn't ennoble, not that those who have suffered don't have to spend time facing up to what they've been through; they have an even harder time reintegrating and being whole, because often they get stripped of necessary coping mechanisms, and that precisly is my point.

I was left with completely abnormal reactions to ordinary life - or as a doctor once told me, you aren't having an irrational reaction - it's perfectly rational, for you. Emotional reactions too, become abnormal.

I really don't believe I would be where I am spiritually today if life had been easier. I would have had no motivation to make a deal with God to learn how to be happy. It has been my observation that many people don't develop spiritually if life is too comfy, and they are often unhappy, or more so, when everything does not go their way all the time.

I respect that observation - but it hasn't been bourne out in my experience. I don't think there has been anyone whose life has been comfy - to be human seems to entail facing loss, sadness, grief and pain. It seems, sadly to visit all our lives. One of the most healing, regenerating friendships I had at University was with a girl who was white, upperclass, private school educated, privileged, intelligent and very socially adept. When I first saw her around my college I mentally pigeon holed her straight away, and I was deeply wrong about her. She turned out to be the warmest, most imaginative, most empathetic person I know. She taught me to accept myself, to appreciate myself, to see myself as someone other people wanted to be around. She taught me to be sociable, and brought me out of my shell. And though she had never experienced poverty, or bereavement, or discrimination, she *empathised*. I think, spiritually, she is a bigger person than me. It's a quality, in my opinion, that can never be quantified or generalised.

I began to doubt that there was a God, which is a very convienient thing to do when you want to blame everyone lese for everything bad that happens in your life.

Well, I'd have to disagree with you here. Though I have the deepest respect and awe for faith, I do not think that not having faith displays an emotional immaturity. Certainly, I am a big believer in personal responsiblity, as you are, but I know many people who do not believe in God, and yet blame no one else but themselves for mistakes, nor do they have a grievance against the world. I'd argue that disenchantment and bitterness with God is a sign that you still have an abiding faith. Plus, doubt and disenchantment mingled with a desire to believe produces some *incredible* poetry ;)

I never believed that life would ever get better - I never believed that I would be even given the chance to grow, so I'm extremely happy to find that life and happiness and love are accomplishing in light years, what was so hard and so unassailable in the dark.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Oh Rah. What can I say? I love you! : ) -- Deb, 07:53:17 01/13/03 Mon

You are so passionate, and it's so invigorating!

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> LOL -- Rahael, 08:46:30 01/13/03 Mon


[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Part two (because, gosh, this is so complex!) -- Rahael, 08:05:56 01/13/03 Mon

I just wanted to add some clarifications. I started my reply to Mal saying that there are multiple truths, and mine was only one, and your truth is also true. Because I reread my posts and thought that you might be reading them as some kind of personal judgement on yourself. I don't know why you should, but there's always a danger when one's argument is somehow very very integral to one's world view. Surely it's a tribute, that one ends up a larger person after suffering, despite rather than because of it.

As for me? Perhaps I'm arguing this because if I haven't somehow spiritually grown because of my own pains, it leaves me kind of wanting as a person - same as those discussions about forgiveness, where I'm again the smaller person because I cannot manage this intangible emotion.

But actually, I think it's because I've just seen too many ruined lives, and because I do not personally feel that the path to wholeness is a progressive linear developmenent. Some parts of us are more mature than others. Sometimes we fall into ruts. And I want to look at what my father could be, and see what he is and not condemn him, but rather extend the fullest sense of compassion to someone who lives in his loneliness, still bereft and heartbroken after all these years. He was a wonderful man, and still is, but I'd give anything to erase all those painful, painful incidents for him. I *know* that he'd be as wonderful, wise, compassionate and gentle without having had his spirit broken.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Did I say I love you? -- Deb, 10:33:28 01/13/03 Mon

I think you have a great deal more campassion than you give yourself credit for. You bend over backwards to be compassionate at times.

And if you haven't noticed: for all my compassion, forgiveness, and, well just plain experience, I can be one hell of a whiner at times. It clears the head like horseradish clears the sinuses.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Awwwwwww -- Rahael, 10:47:13 01/13/03 Mon

I whine plenty. I could self pity for England with marvellous, glorious gusto. It's an art form not to be despised!

But when people are nice to me, can't help but be happy, cheerful and nice myself. I think I must be one of nature's cheery souls. Though sometimes I think I'm just Eeyore. See? Multitudes!

Good luck Deb, my thoughts are with you.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Can I adopt you? You'd fit in nicely around here. -- Deb, 10:55:55 01/13/03 Mon


[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Multiple Truths -- Sara, 17:35:13 01/13/03 Mon

Could it be the type of bad experiences influence how we deal with them? It seems that when you're a victim of circumstances (illness, financial problems) it's more likely to give you an opportunity for growth, but when you're a victim of other people, the experience is just damaging. Not that I think this is a hard and fast rule, but from what I've seen, it does seem to fall that way.

By the way, I think that forgiveness like trust, is something that is never owed to anyone, but can be earned. You should never feel bad because someone else isn't worthy of your forgiveness, that's a reflection of them not you.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Can't say anything besides I agree, Sara -- ~Eris~, 19:04:54 01/13/03 Mon


[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Yep I agree. -- shadowkat, 20:27:08 01/14/03 Tue

Could it be the type of bad experiences influence how we deal with them? It seems that when you're a victim of circumstances (illness, financial problems) it's more likely to give you an opportunity for growth, but when you're a victim of other people, the experience is just damaging. Not that I think this is a hard and fast rule, but from what I've seen, it does seem to fall that way.

Ironically enough - I just discussed a situation where I was the target of a bad person today. The woman I discussed it with is writing a book on serial bullies and corporate bullying. She says that I was a "target" not a victim, a victim is someone who folds under the bullying who lets their life be destroyed. My experience with this type of person was luckily just in the work place and I was able to leave. But Serial Bullies are everywhere - the sociopaths or psychopaths in our midst. And they do leave scars and no the experience doesn't make you grow, it's one you try to move past. And it does change you. After my experience, my ability to trust others was damaged as was my ability to trust myself. Not to mention my confidence.

For more on serial bullies - BullyOnline or I think www.bullyonline.org?

Here's some quotes:

"All cruelty springs from weakness" (Seneca 4BC-AD65)
"Most organisations have a serial bully. It never ceases to amaze me how one person's divisive, disordered, dysfunctional behavior can permeate the entire organization like a cancer." (Tim Field)
"The truth is incontrovertible; malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is." Winston Churchill.

Here's some stuff on it: www.hare.org - Robert Hare's articles, Book: Without Conscience, the disturbing world of psychopaths among us, Robert D. Hare.

Also here:
http://www.successunlimited.co.uk/bully/amibeing.htm

By the way, I think that forgiveness like trust, is something that is never owed to anyone, but can be earned. You should never feel bad because someone else isn't worthy of your forgiveness, that's a reflection of them not you.

I'm beginning to strongly agree with this. I used to believe we had to forgive people - to make us good, for ourselves. Now? I'm beginning to realize that it is enough to just move on. Try to move past it. And not think about the person or what happened as much as possible. It is enough to forgive ourselves for being in the situation to begin with - as absurd as that might sound - it's how you feel - that you were somehow responsible for being the target - when in truth the reasons you were selected had nothing to do with you. According to my friend - targets are selected because they are capable, strong, good natured. It's our good qualities that make these sick people go after us. And that is not something we should ever have to forgive ourselves for. Sometimes the best and only thing we can ever try to do is move on. Let it go. Forget the bully and leave these bad people behind us where they belong. The possible exceptions? Those who earn our forgiveness and our trust and ask for it.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Yep I agree. -- Rufus, 00:29:11 01/15/03 Wed

It is enough to forgive ourselves for being in the situation to begin with - as absurd as that might sound - it's how you feel - that you were somehow responsible for being the target - when in truth the reasons you were selected had nothing to do with you. According to my friend - targets are selected because they are capable, strong, good natured. It's our good qualities that make these sick people go after us. And that is not something we should ever have to forgive ourselves for. Sometimes the best and only thing we can ever try to do is move on.


An interesting part of being a target is that you are in fact chosen by a bully because you have qualities that they lack and envy, but aren't capable or are too lazy to cultivate in themselves. This anger at what ever bad feelings they have about themselves is projected onto the target who they go after instead turning on themselves. The problem is that many bullies do get far in life by counting on the good nature of others to get away with as much as they can...frequently when they encounter a "target" it the first sign of trouble is the "target" not seeing things their way...this starts an escalation of behaviour that the bully tries to have blamed on the target. The only reason the bully gets away with this behavior is the fear of the average person who doesn't want to get involved or fears retaliation. What they (the average person) miss is that more often than not the Bully is also a coward. Some Bullies who start that way as children do change, more often they don't and become hostile adults who blame others for anything that goes wrong in their lives.

We are at a sad time when Bullying has become a problem in our schools, serious enough that young people have committed suicide and some Bullies have progressed to murder, because they assumed that they could get away with it. Parents who assume that their kid would never do anything wrong and make sure they never catch their kids, or when they do catch them trivialize their behavior are prime contributors to a major problem in society today. Bullies don't just happen, they are created, and the general publics tendancy to go into denial is not making the problem go away and the proof is the violence and harrassment going on in some schools, and in the rise of violent juvenille offenders.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Agreed. Bullying in schools and the workplace -- shadowkat, 07:06:07 01/15/03 Wed

The only reason the bully gets away with this behavior is the fear of the average person who doesn't want to get involved or fears retaliation. What they (the average person) miss is that more often than not the Bully is also a coward. Some Bullies who start that way as children do change, more often they don't and become hostile adults who blame others for anything that goes wrong in their lives.

In Btvs - we see this occur with Warren Mears, Andrew and Jonathan and the horrific results of not addressing the problem earlier.

On the bright side - we see what happens with Larry - who is portrayed as a Bully up until possibly Phases - where Xander inadvertently "outs" him and Larry stops being the Bully. By confronting Larry on his wolfish and inappropriate behavior - Xander puts a stop to it. Xander actually takes on bullies more than once in Sunnydale High - he does it in the Zeppo as well. The same thing sort of happens with the character in Beauty and The Beasts that Buffy takes on - who dies.

But more often than not, the problem is ignored or swept under the rug. The truth is if we continue to do this, ignore the problem - the bully grows up to be the sociopathic boss and gets far worse than he ever was in high school and more damaging. After all high school is a limited time period- three years. Working Life is far more. This is what happened with Warren Mears - who turned into a murderer.

Here's a quote by Tim Field (a proponent of the initiative to get legislation on bullying):" Lack of knowledge or, or unwillingness to recognise, or outright denial of the existence of the serial bully is the most common reason for an unsatisfactory outcome of a bullying case for both the employee and the employer" - this can also be said about the people in school.

Part of the reason I found Warren Mears so unredeemable and horrid and frightening is because I had to go into work every day and deal with the real life version of Warren Mears. Until you meet a Warren in real life and believe me they are out there - you don't know how scarey this person really is. You tell yourself you can handle the bully, you tell yourself that you'll know him when you see him that you won't be fooled. You even might consider him sort of amusing and hardly frightening as many fans perceived Warren. (Nope...sorry...he truly is frightening.) There are still people working with the bully I had, being bullied by him (my Assistant still works with him, although I went out of my way to give her as much protection against him as I could - I don't think he'll target her) and in their heads? They remain convinced he's just a bad manager. They justify his actions. This is what happens with bullies - we find ways to justify them, we excuse their acts based on their problems - oh the poor dear, he's an alcoholic or manic-depressive, or the girlfriend Katrina was just a shrew, April just a robot, or people just treated him horribly...etc. The truth is by excusing his or her (there are female bullies out there) actions - all we do is encourage them. Like the parent who refuses to believe their child can do any wrong or the teacher who dismisses it as testorone or typical teenage teasing. The unwillingness to recognize the problem causes a greater one.

The co-workers I had that did recognize the bullying and saw the problem - were too afraid to get involved. They did NOT in any way stand up for me. Instead they merely listened to my complaints, agreed to be my reference, and counseled me to leave. They admitted it was happening but did not want to deal with it. All my closest friend did was tell me repeatedly to quit. She is trying desperately to leave herself and is starting to become a target as well.
They were all too terrified of the bully. Afraid of losing their jobs and their income source.

It sounds easy to stand-up to the bully - but it's not so clear-cut as one might think. I attempted to stand up to this bully more than once and eventually had to leave the company, realizing I could do nothing. And from what I've seen of Rahael's story - it sounds like her family stood up to the people bullying her country and paid with their lives.

According to my contact in New Zealand - Europe, Great Britain and some other countries overseas have legistlation to deal with serial bullying in the work place and elsewhere. The US and New Zealand are working on it. There is a legislative initiative in California right now regarding it. Legal measures could help remedy the problem.
There is no legal measures now.

We do need to adress it. And we need to stop excusing this type of behavior in our schools, our workplaces, our neighbors and perhaps even ourselves...because until we do -we will have to deal with these horror stories like Tara's death or what is described in the thread above over and over again.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Don't forget the weak, though. -- Arethusa, 08:04:50 01/15/03 Wed

Warren gradually takes over the Trio because Andrew and Johnathan are weak, and let him. His villainy escalates, seducing Andrew (literally and figuatively) and cowering Johnathan. Andrew accepts Warren's bullying because he hopes to benefit from it, and Johnathan does the same, until fear replaces his first motivation.

Cordelia bullies Willow because Willow is insecure and vulnerable, with her jumpers and childish hair style, but doesn't try to bully Buffy, who is more self-confident. Cordelia later insults Buffy, but she doesn't try to bully her. The Cordettes start bullying Cordelia when she becomes weak and vulnerable in their eyes by dating a social pariah. They're unsuccessful because Cordelia is stronger than they. If Cordelia had never had her reversal of fortunes and learned empathy, she might have continued to torment and bully her way through life. She is able to get away with bullying for many reasons. Some students in high school don't care if the weak are picked on, since they feel the same scorn towards the weak. They just let the bully do what they don't dare or care to do. Others do nothing out of fear of being the next victim-relief that someone else is the target.
Some teachers ignore it because except in the most flagrent cases it's difficult to differintiate between personality clashes and bullying, time is short during the schoolday and teachers are supposed to be on duty nearly every second and can't referee every argument, they are bullies too and enjoy seeing the weak picked on, or they are scornful of someone who doesn't stand up for himself.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Bringing this back to "darkness" -- leslie, 08:57:21 01/15/03 Wed

As I recall, somewhere up there, this started as a confutation of the idea that Buffy should "embrace her darkness," and I think that s'kat's introduction of the bullying theme helped me pinpoint why I felt that Rah's example of her family's situation and the experiences of people under oppressive governments, etc., didn't seem to be in the same ballpark for me. In terms of what we are talking about in Buffy's situation--and Warren's, and Larry's, and so on--is that it is the bully's refusal to "embrace their darkness" that leads to the bullying and the intimidation and even murder of others--they refuse to acknowledge their own weaknesses, to accept their own impulses toward violence, to admit that all this awful stuff is their issue, not the target's fault. Bullying comes about by projecting one's own darkness, whether individual or collective (I'm thinking here of the Nazis and just the whole history of persecution of Jews), onto a target and punishing the target for that weakness in oneself.

I think this is also where the controversy over "embracing" darkness arises, too. It isn't a question of submitting to it, it's admitting that it exists in you, that the actions that you take under its influence are your own actions and not forced on you by some outside agent ("The devil made me do it," or even "It wasn't me, it was the First Evil"). Theoretically, at least in a Jungian framework, by embracing, accepting the Shadow, the evil in oneself, one can turn that energy into a source of strength that is not projected onto others and is not destructive, turning the darkness from a place of terror to a place of power.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Oh I agree absolutely -- Rahael, 09:28:11 01/15/03 Wed

That was kind of tangent - my point was that suffering is not necessary or always conducive to spiritual growth and health. Examining the dark and examining one's own actions is essential; and one can still do this having undergone large and repeated amounts of trauma - it's just that suffering does not lead to spiritual ennoblement, certain parts of yourself may be stunted, perhaps permanantly in many cases.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Oh I agree absolutely -- Arethusa, 09:56:37 01/15/03 Wed

So why does suffering weaken some, and turn others into heroes? Is Cordy a better person than Willow, because suffering turned her into Saint Cordy and Willow into Dark Willow? Did her mental and emotional strength under suffering ennoble her, while Willow's weakness in facing difficulties cause suffering to corrupt her? Why could Cordy fight back against the Cordettes, but Willow couldn't fight Cordy? Is Cordy "better" than Willow?

Or is the time of trauma important? Willow suffered through neglect and peer abuse in childhood. Cordy was obviously supported, or at least indulged. Her difficulties arose when she was already an adult. Was that why Cordelia had strength that Willow did not?

Are some people born victims, due to characteristics deemed undesireable-placidity, timidity, elasticity, self-doubt? Or are victims created in childhood?

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Oh I agree absolutely -- leslie, 10:40:08 01/15/03 Wed

First of all, I would note that their stories aren't over yet. Yeah, Willow went Dark, but now she has realized that she has that potential and is learning--not necessarily linearly--how to deal with it. On the other hand, saints don't usually have sex with the underage sons of the object of their affections. Well, maybe Saint Vigeous did, who knows, but the whole concept of a vampire saint is pretty dodgy in any case.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Oh I agree absolutely -- Arethusa, 10:50:58 01/15/03 Wed

They are both at the place where they are dealing with new hardships. Where it will take them is a slightly separate issue. Is Willow now stronger than Cordy? It seems that way. Will is tentatively doing magic and helping Buffy. Cordy has collapsed (although I'm convinced that she's being controlled or manipulated in some way) and slept with Connor. My questions still stand, thought. Does Cordy undergo less victimization than Willow because she's stronger/better? Why? How do the variable affect their degree of strength?

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> wow, rah, i almost feel like... -- anom, 21:33:46 01/13/03 Mon

...this is too personal to say here, but what you say about your father & your response to him makes me glad he has you. Whatever he's still suffering, how could it not be even worse without his relationship with you? Unless he can't let you share that with him...I hope that's not the case.

And I hope that his inability to get past what was done to him won't last for the rest of his life. Even after years, decades, some people do manage to break free, or at least get better to some degree.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: wow, rah, i almost feel like... -- Rahael, 04:55:08 01/14/03 Tue

I think the inability is unconscious. I mean, in one sense he is free, in the most important way. Despite the brutal experiences he had besides spending the most important years of his life hiding in safe houses, always in fear that he might be discovered, his wife and children far away, he remains unresentful and gentle (I think that might be due to his Buddhist upbringing. His mother won't even kill flies - she swatted them away). I know few fathers who could do what he did even without those experiences - work seven days a week, make pack lunches every morning, cook hot dinners every night for two children he never had to look after before.

And he does find some joy in life. He enjoys a good meal, comes out of his shell with good friends, he finds the oddest tv programmes amusing (Songs of Praise for god's sake. Christian church services, when he's an atheist-buddhist!).

But I see the still unfaded scars on his body, hear the talking, hear how he sometimes shouts in his sleep, see how when he has nothing to do, he just goes to sleep, or stands silently, thinking. I know he isn't happy. There's a fundamental deep down sadness that will never go away. And I don't think he trusts other human beings any more, nor can he allow them to come too close. To be honest, I feel powerless to help or undo anything. But maybe I should just be patient. It is something that has always seemed to work for every other intractable problem I have faced. Maybe I should have more faith in the world. As Oliver Cromwell might have put it, I shall be in a 'waiting posture'.

(An aside - I read with interest the comments made on the unnecessary nature of Spike's torture scenes. I'm wondering how I'm going to react to them when I 'see' them. Whether they will speak to me or repulse me. Also, Ponygirl's comment about not glorifying the ability to withstand torture reminded me a story my aunt once told me. She said that my foolish, brave father had the nickname 'the silent' in prison because while all his comrades broke down and talked, he never said a word. But my aunt said the wisest way would have been what she did - she pretended to be scared, and 'broke down' before they could do anything to her. This way you can tell them a complete, cohesive pack of lies while you still have control over your mind. Once they start torturing you and you talk, you have no control. So there you are - handy life tip I hope no one here has occasion to use!!!!! Though this plan only worked for my aunt because when the guards were leading her away, she whispered to her husband "blame everything on me" and proceeded to incriminate herself for everything. She portrayed herself as an innocent middle class girl just 'helping out', and that's all she did. She ended up in prison, but eventually broke out and escaped the country).

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Aha! You solved the dilemma -- Sophist, 09:06:06 01/14/03 Tue

I read with interest the comments made on the unnecessary nature of Spike's torture scenes.

This has concerned me as well; they seemed gratuitous. I think you've given us the answer, one that makes perfect sense in the twisted world of evil:

But my aunt said the wisest way would have been what she did - she pretended to be scared, and 'broke down' before they could do anything to her. This way you can tell them a complete, cohesive pack of lies while you still have control over your mind. Once they start torturing you and you talk, you have no control.

The FE is not just torturing Spike, it's playing on his psyche. It would have been easy to dust him. The FE wants him alive but broken or on the FE's side. The physical torture serves to weaken Spike mentally so that the mind games of FE/Dru and FE/Buffy can achieve their goal.

Maybe this was obvious to others before, but I just now got it.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Gee, Sophist you surprise me with your last statement. -- Rufus, 09:16:35 01/14/03 Tue

The FE is not just torturing Spike, it's playing on his psyche. It would have been easy to dust him. The FE wants him alive but broken or on the FE's side. The physical torture serves to weaken Spike mentally so that the mind games of FE/Dru and FE/Buffy can achieve their goal.

I keep remembering what Holland Manners said about evil living in the heart of everyone.....and the First is all about getting someone to do evil, to feed it and perpetuate a constant cycle of ill will. The First could have easily worked a way to dust Spike, but Spike misbehaved, acted out of order, against how the First assumed he "could" act. So he has become a project of a sort in that the First doesn't like to lose, and Spike is a painful reminder of how someone can "go good". Sure it could have had Spike dusted, but trying to get him to do evil again is what It's all about.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> I meant I didn't get that the torture was to weaken him mentally. I got the rest. -- Sophist, 09:34:38 01/14/03 Tue


[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Very good post Rah -- shadowkat, 17:24:56 01/13/03 Mon

I believe you are right -Good people are good people despite the outrages of life. That is why we have to work to undo injustices. I've discussed 'embracing the darkness' with KdS, when I've said to him that we mustn't ignore our darkside. But to be honest, when the debate comes to this point - I have to agree wholeheartedly with him and Mal.

What kept me strong through the dark times were the times of light. The knowledge of love kept my spirit alive, though hibernating.


I think there is some confusion on the board regarding accepting and embracing darkness. For me? I think you state it well - we shouldn't ignore it, but we should be careful not to go into it either. Isn't there a poem about "Not going into thy dark night?" I'm so bad at remembering lines from things.

But bear with me as I take this back on topic.

I think Buffy herself is a little confused regarding how to deal with the darkness inside her. As is partly expressed through Willow who asks Giles why the coven can't just drain the magic out of her or kill her. Spike also addresses this fear - kill me, destroy the darkness, there can't be any light. But Buffy fights Spike on this.
She says: "You faced the monster inside and fought back. You risked everything to become a better man." Giles in a way expresses something very similar to Willow - "the power is a part of you now, you can't remove it, but it doesn't change who you are. In the end we are who we are no matter how much we have appeared to have changed."

From these two statements and the commentary on Season 5 DVD, I think the writers are trying to say that dark events do not change who we are at our core. Not really. We can face the darkness in ourselves and by doing so, choose NOT to give into it, fight it. Buffy in Buffy vs. Dracula (in a scene very similar to Spike's in Sleeper) tastes the darkness in her own soul - but instead of embracing it or allowing it to take her over as Faith did in Season 3, she accepts it as part of who she is and strives to rise above it.

Manwitch is right i think - Buffy is in a process of spiritual awakening. She doesn't "deny her dark side" nor "does she embrace it" - she struggles to face it and deal with it and not let it overwhelm or overtake her. Darkness can overtake us in life if we let it. Faith is a perfect demonstration of that as is Angel. But darkness is not something to embrace or jump into like an adventure.
It does change you...in little ways, not the core you, but the you that has to interact with the world...and it changes how you interact with that world. Buffy's trials as slayer have hardened her in a similar manner to what you've so bravely described. She tends to seem cold at times, contained - partly because she has been hurt and left.
She shows compassion - because she understands the pain and violence of self-hate. To go out every night and slay demons is not an easy task.

I think Buffy's journey is finding a way of understanding the balance between the two. Using the light to deal with the darkness. If that makes sense? Somewhere in all this I think I lost my point...and got muddled. But oh well.
Good post at any rate. SK

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> An excuse to bring up Dylan Thomas -- Tchaikovsky, 03:42:43 01/14/03 Tue

I don't think the context is quite right- because Thomas is talking about death, but here's the poem you were thinking of, (I hope):

DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT


Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

The beautiful mantra like repetition of the randomly alterntaing two lines at the end of each stanza is very haunting. And this poem reminds me, (although it is not entirely applicable), of Buffy to Angel at the end of 'Amends'. He shouldn't give up, even if it seems the 'gentle' and correct thing to do.

Back to rambling tangentially. Oh well.

TCH

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Darkness as an agent of spiritual growth -- Miss Edith, 19:11:52 01/13/03 Mon

I believe Spike's love for Buffy is pretty much canan. In the script for The Gift Joss acknowledges Spike is devestated at seeing his love dead. Whether the way Spike expressed his love was healthy is very open for debate. There is certaintly little doubt that Spike was attempting to draw Buffy to him as she had made it clear that he was unable to come into the light and join her. He tells Buffy in Smashed that "a man can change". In The Gift he had said "you treat me like a man and that means..." yet Buffy punches Spike telling him "You're not a man you're a thing...You're an evil disgusting thing". Spike was then at the end of his tether and choose to pursue a victim whining about Buffy mistreating him. Yes he was exhilarated when he discovered that the woman he had been using as his moral compass wasn't as high and mighty as she pretented to be. Just like the old days he lashed out at Buffy to regain his big bad dignity and control. In Wrecked he continues with this act playing at being the big bad leering at Buffy and being smug "It made you scream didn't it". And when Buffy says he's not gods gift he laughs "No that wouldn't be nearly as interesting would it". He basically thought he was giving Buffy what she wanted and what she would come back for. Note how careful he is to only let momentary flashes of romanticism through "Suns up...stay". Basically though he was being the bastard that he thought she wanted, waving self-righeous Buffy's panties in her face when she threatens to kill him. You can say he uses the information in Smashed to torment her and he hits her when she's vunerable and you are quite right. But I think he was like a child in the way he was hitting out and so desperate to bind Buffy to him.

I don't agree that he found the idea of sex more fullfilling than friendship. Rather I think he valued the moments when Buffy approached him for chats and he used such occasions as opportunities to open up "every night I save you". But he lost the friendship through no fault of his own. Buffy choose to kiss him and from then on she was so freaked that there was no way they could go back to anything even resembling a friendship. Lets not forget in DT she tells him he is a thing and incapable of feeling anything. That was what she valued about the sex they shared. To her Spike truly was just an empty vessel for her to poar all her sexual needs and pain on to. He was a living vibrater if you will. Spike thought they could find a connection through sex as he seemed to believe that Buffy would not sleep with a man she didn't love so there must be some feeling there. But did he treasure the simple intimacy in All The Way when he patrolled with Buffy "Good fight" or when they went drimnking together in LS. I would say so. Being Buffy's sex toy was not pleasurable to him and it is revealed in BY that it caused him a lot of inner torment.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Its not about "embracing" darkness. -- Deb, 00:25:41 01/14/03 Tue

More like: "Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thous art(sp) with me." kinda of thingy. The light walks through the darkness with you.

[> [> Re: MEs attitute to female sexuality -- Miss Edith, 07:55:39 01/12/03 Sun

The idea that Buffy was addicted to sex was what annoyed me. I mean come one the ending of Wrecked with Buffy shivering in her room surrounded by garlic and clutching a cross. It was the very obvious cliche of the big bad wolf coming to attack the pure girl in her tower. Buffy enjoyed good sex and she decided she was addicted to it and it was a sickness. That struck me as a poor message to be putting out there. It wasn't as if she was she needed sex constantly. She just needed some sex to release the tension and leapt to the conclusion that she was somehow addicted to Spike's penis.

I guess I just wish the relationship had been handled differently. All the bad boyfriend cliches didn't work for me. Has Buffy ever been allowed to enjoy sex without feeling guilty? Angel ended up with the guy turning evil, Parker discarded her. Riley stuck around but couldn't satisfy Buffy as she was out staking vampires after he fell asleep in BVD.

Like I said Anya had a healthy attitude to sex but it was used as part of what made her weird and non human. She didn't fit in and her frankness with sex talk was used as the elephant in the room. Perhaps I've just been watching too much Sex and the City where the female characters actually discuss their sex lives and what pleases them. One of the women even walkied in on the other giving a blowjob and was mortified. So I have trouble understanding why it is considered an horrendous embarrassment for Anya to mention that she and Xander use the gym for recreational purposes for instance.

[> [> [> Re: MEs attitute to female sexuality -- Corwin of Amber, 18:08:48 01/12/03 Sun

>The idea that Buffy was addicted to sex was what annoyed me.

People seem to be forgetting the overall situation. Buffy is Dawn's guardian, and was spending a LOT of time away at night, boinking Spike. Some of the identifying behaviors for addiction are if it impacts your family life, if you lie about what you are doing, etc. Sound familiar?

Yeah, she was addicted, but it didn't have to be sex. It could just have easily have been drugs or gambling. (magic?) Or, a lot of people in that severely depressed state turn to self mutilation, but I suppose that wouldn't be much different from normal life for Buffy.

[> [> [> [> Re: MEs attitute to female sexuality -- Miss Edith, 16:07:37 01/13/03 Mon

See I disagree. In Smashed Buffy undoubtly neglected Dawn as she was so overcome at believing she was a demon and she choose to stay out overnight after the shock of deciding to hell with it she would give in to Spike. But I can't think of many other occasions when we were shown that Buffy was neglecting Dawn in favour of Spike. Maybe in AYW when she is bringing home Dawn's dinner and stops outside the house for a quick thrill with Spike? Other than that I can't think of any examples of Buffy being drawn to Spike in such a consuming way as calling it an addiction would suggest.

In DMP Buffy was on her break when she saw Spike for a quickie. She even tells him she doesn't have time for his nonsense as she is working. Buffy was seeing Spike when things became too desperate to cope with and she needed some relief. I would see an addiction as Buffy being drawn to Spike in such a way that she was constantly fighting the urge and neglecting her friends and Dawn because she wanted sex all day. IMO that wasn't the case. Indeed in DMP she didn't even want the sex. And when it ended she seemed a lot happier in HB and wasn't shown to be fighing an overpowering addiction at all. She was lying and behaving in a unhealthy way I am not disputing that. I just can't accept that Buffy was actually addicted to the sex.

[> [> [> [> [> Re: MEs attitute to female sexuality -- Corwin of Amber, 18:29:34 01/14/03 Tue

I don't assume that the Spuffy we saw on screen was the only Spuffy that occurred, that's the difference. It was pretty clear that things were degenerating pretty rapidly between episodes.

[> [> Little kinky sex shown in S6 -- ~Eris~, 19:50:58 01/12/03 Sun

Hi Everyone. Just jumping into the discussion here. :-)


Cactus Watcher wrote:
"Considering the violence of the beginning of their physical relationship, I suspect that some of the 'games' that Buffy and Spike were playing during their private encounters were pretty disturbing."


But that's exactly the problem. The viewer has to "suspect", "imagine", or even "assume" that such disturbing kinky sexual events actually took place, because ME didn't show it.

Now granted, they do have censors to worry about, but they could have made a reference to it to give us a better idea of what was going on with B/S. They didn't have to even show anything, but they could have talked about it to let the viewers know, like they did with X/A's sexual practices in S4.


Malandanza made this point with the following:
"As for Miss Edith's point about the sex looking pretty tame -- I think that ME made a mistake when they decided to make the sex in season six as explicit as possible. Sex on American TV can be explicit or kinky but it can't be both without being censored or losing sponsorship. ME would have been better off making more handcuff scenes (allowing the viewer's to imagine what happened) and showing less of JM's body if they wanted to Spuffy to be in the running for Sunnydale's kinkiest couple. By making the decision to show as much skin as possible, Spike ended up looking only marginally more inventive than Riley. By constrast, we've seen very little of Xander and Anya's sex life, but we know about roleplaying, erotic sponge baths and spanking."


But ME didn't show anything of the sort for B/S in S6, so we're just supposed to 'take ME's word for it' and assume it was taking place.

The kinkiest we got was the handcuff scene and Spike taking her from behind on the balcony in 'DT'. Having sex in public can also be considered kinky, and B/S did that in 'DMP', 'DT' and 'AYW'. Using handcuffs and having sex in public is nothing for Buffy to be *that* upset over. And the balcony scene was disturbing because of what Spike was saying to her at the time, not because of the actual sexual act (to me at least).


She is so ashamed of her affair with Spike, and when I heard her say in 'CWDP' that she "behaved like a monster" and "treated him like...", I thought maybe ME finally got it right. Buffy was feeling guilty because she used a man/vamp that loved her, and tried to convince herself that his feelings weren't real. Maybe she knew better now, that it wasn't the sex that was bad, but the reasons behind it. But then she went ahead and said she "let him do things" to her. ME backpedaled and made it all about the kinky sex again.

Is Buffy ashamed of using a man that loved her, or ashamed of the (practically non-existent) kinky sex? ME has to make up their mind on that one. They can't have it both ways.

The same thing happened at the end of 'DT'. She asks Tara why she lets him "do those things" to her, vaguely implying some kinky behaviors, but nothing definitive. But then acts upset because she realizes she is using him and doesn't want anyone to know, because of the "way they would look at" her. Again, ME tried to have it both ways and it didn't work. I generally dismissed her "do things to me" remark because the using him to feel seemed the more important statement at the time.

As sad as the end scene of AYW was, I was a little bit happy because Buffy realized she was "using him", someone who loved her. I thought she finally realized this was the reason for her guilt (it was "killing her"). She didn't go on about him not having a soul, say he was evil, say he was a vamp and it was wrong for her as the slayer to be with him, say her friends would be disgusted with her for being with him, etc. She said she couldn't love him and that she had to "strong" (self-reliant?). That's why she had to stop being with him. Again, I thought ME was done with the kinky sex thing, but then they brought it up again in 'CWDP'.

In 'NLM' Spike brought up the fact that Buffy was using him because she hated herself, and she admitted as much. I'm assuming that because this is the most recent B/S conversation we have, that that is what ME is going to go with now. Their conversation in the basement, Spike saying she likes men who hurt her, seems to show this.

Maybe ME has finally learned that nobody seems to believe the kinky sex reason for Buffy's guilt, and they've decided to drop that and use the self-loathing reason instead? It's obvious that Buffy hated herself and was using Spike to feel ('OMWF, 'AYW'), but ME seemed to find the kinky sex excuse more exciting or something.

There seems to be a general consensus on the self-loathing as the reason for the twisted B/S 'relationship', so maybe 'NLM's writer (the new Drew) latched onto this. He seems to be good at retconning and fixing up holes and loose threads, so maybe he knocked some sense into ME and stopped using the kinky sex as the reason.

Buffy's vague "things" he does to her ('Dead Things' and 'CWDP') aren't enough for me to buy it. ME's gotta either show it or be more specific. Anyone agree?



~Eris~

[> [> [> Welcome. Good post. I do agree -- see my response to s'kat below. -- Sophist, 20:19:28 01/12/03 Sun


[> [> [> Would agree -- shadowkat, 11:55:54 01/13/03 Mon

Is it possible to agree with you, my own statements and manwitchs and cjl and not be completely contradictory?
Hope so.

I think you are right. I think Marti (from interviews I've read both with her and with Marsters) that the writers tried to have it both ways. Marti was relying on her own college experiences and wanted to discuss the shame she may or may not have felt in kinky relationships with "bad boyfriend" while that is incredibly brave, as a writer who is collaborating with other writer's it is also not always the best or most realistic idea. (Works nice in theory but not in practice.) I think, as even they have admitted in interviews, they tripped big time. They thought nudity was risque - uhm no, we get that on NYPD Blue and most people have cable. So showing Spike nude all the time really doesn't suggest kinkiness. (Not that it ever would. All it did was objectify him somewhat and cause women to stalk the actor... we live in a strange world ;-) )The kinkiness relationship on the show has always seemed to be Xander and Anya. I would agree with Malandaza's point on that. The sex I saw on the screen btw S/B was never that kinky IMHO.

I agree - I was confused on what they were going for.
Was it that Buffy was ashamed of what they did together?
Or the fact she was in a relationship with Spike? Or the fact she was using him? Or all of the above? I was going for all of the above most of the time. Drew Goddard tried to fix most of this in NLM and to some extent CwDP - the shooting scripts show how much. I think someone finally got across to the co-creators that their whole bad boyfriend storyline didn't really work.

At any rate - I agree - if they wanted to emphasize kinky sex? They did it wrong. If they wanted to emphasize the ambiguous feelings young women feel about relationships similar to Buffy's - ie. the kinky sex, casual sex, using someone for it, being with the wrong person, all you do is cause pain, etc...they screwed up on the kinky sex part - thus confusing the audience.

Welcome. SK

[> [> [> [> A look at the sex -- Miss Edith, 16:47:04 01/13/03 Mon

Smashed could be considered to be unusual sex as the foreplay consisted of the two of them beating the crap out of each other and tumbling through a building. Buffy looks uncomfortable in Wrecked and is limping suggesting the sex was very infigerating. In AYW Spike mentions they can keep going for up to five hours and Buffy was so into the sex in Wrecked her morning after comment is "When did the building fall down". This did not cause disgust. Many people on the sitges I visitied were envious and laughingly discussing how they have made beds rock but never brought down a building before. There was disgust expressed by some at Buffy's moral choice to sleep with Spike but I can't recall many people seeing the encounter as really kinky or anything.

In Gone B/S have naked sex which begins with Spike being thrown against the wall and having his shirt ripped open. A little rough perhaps? Buffy does goes down on him which may count as unusual sex for some people? DMP has the two of them shagging in an alley. Not kinky as such it more suggested empty and dull sex. Buffy was hardly getting off on the public nature of it. It was more a case of her desperately needing to feel and going for it in the place she was least likely to get caught. She was at work so could harldy go too far from the restraunt. I don't rememeber that many people being horrified at Buffy indulging in public sex. Most people were just wondering why Buffy was having sex in DMP if she wasn't enjoying it.

Dead Things opened with the two of them copulating on the floor but otherwise perfectly normal sex is suggested, they were just a little enthusiastic and missed the bed. They even have share some mildly cute after sex talk "are we having a conversation?". The balcony sex was perhaps the kinkiest encounter as it was fairly public and Spike comments on the rush it is giving Buffy to get away with sex right under her friends noses. Plus it was anal sex so slightly different from the norm. The handcuffs are used in DT and it is suggested both Spike and Buffy wore them. Buffy rubs her wrists uncomfortably so I am guessing she tried them out first (note her unsure expression when Spike intorduced her to them. He would have initally taken the lead I feel). But in her dream Buffy recalls being the agreesser and using handcuffs on Spike. Of course there is no evidence what really went on there.

OAFA has no sex but it does portray the couple as dare I say it mildly cute. We have Spike flirting with Buffy and being jealous of Richard "Oh Buffy can I get you a soda pop I think I'm in love...jealous my arse" and looking worried at Clem's comment that Richard was cute. Buffy is most definately not up for sex at her house and the only raunchiness implied is Spike raising his eyebrow when Buffy gets the back-massager to take care of all her aches and pains. AYW has Buffy having sex in front of her house which was pretty daring of her. Otherwise the sex is in the crypt and Buffy even allows it to consist of kissing and the two fall asleep together afterwards.

Not much evidence of kink when you really study the relationship IMO. The best example is Buffy on the balcony having anal sex which is frowned upon by quite a few people. Oh and ther use of handcuffs of course. I feel ME did make a mistake if the relationship was supposed to be kinky and we were meant to relate to Buffy talking of the terrible things Spike had caused her to do.

[> [> [> [> [> Re: A look at the sex -- Miss Edith, 16:51:08 01/13/03 Mon

Duh that was supposed to say B/S have invisable sex in Gone, not naked sex.

[> [> [> [> [> Re: A look at the sex -- shadowkat, 17:44:45 01/13/03 Mon

I feel ME did make a mistake if the relationship was supposed to be kinky and we were meant to relate to Buffy talking of the terrible things Spike had caused her to do.

Or ME's views on kinky sex are not as enlightened as their audience? Actually I agree. Outside of possibly the anal sex (although it could have just been taking from behind), but anal makes more sense IMHO and the handcuffs...violent sex..., the rest? Sorry didn't seem to be that kinky.

OTOH I guess it depends on who you are and your experiences. I know people who found the scene in The English PAtient where the characters do it against a wall to be gross. (Personally? I found it erotic, but then I tend to have broader definitions.)

From the commentaries - I think the writers at ME have a far more interesting and potentially narrow definition of dirty and kinky than we do. Doug Petrie found the sucking bloody finger scene in Fool For Love to be incredibly dirty. I didn't. Alluring? Yes. Erotic? maybe. Even possibly gross. But then I've seen one too many HBO and cable shows. Again - we have to remember they are dealing with somewhat pruddish network censors. Network execs nd censors have Victorian sensibilities. Scenes like we saw last year - rarely get put on TV. It wasn't all that long ago that the idea of showing any male nudity on television was considered risque. I'm sure Marsters was relieved that they couldn't show full frontal nudity - the set was apparently quite cold.

So while the audience may have found the sex not kinky or raw, I'm not sure the writers ever understood or realized that. I think - in fact I'm almost positive of this - that the writers and 50% of the audience parted company somewhere in the middle of season 6, so that the show/message the writers believed they were creating and showing was not the same as the message a good portion (50%?) of the fanbase watched on TV. (They thought they were telling one story and the fanbase thought they were seeing another.) As a result - ME tripped and almost lost 50% of their fans in the process. Marti even realized it in interviews and attempted somewhat clumsily to rectify the situation.(All she did was further alienate the fanbase.)

Will be interesting if they pull off this season with better results.

[> [> [> [> [> [> Re: A look at the sex -- ~Eris~, 19:00:17 01/13/03 Mon

I agree shadowkat that ME's writers are much less enlightened than their audience. That is a very polite way of saying it, anyways. :-) I suppose what they expected to be shocking was just 'cool' to us, and that's one of the many reasons S6 didn't work.

About the balcony scene, I didn't get the impression that it was anal sex at all. Sort of a strange point to argue about, I know, but did anyone else see it that way? I just saw it as him taking her from behind, like shadowkat said. If it was anal sex, then that puts a whole new spin on things and would explain Buffy's comments about the "things" he did to her.

Come to think of it, that is the only scene where she could say Spike *did* something to her. All of their other sex scenes were either completely mutual or her doing something to him.


~Eris~

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: A look at the sex -- Miss Edith, 19:32:18 01/13/03 Mon

Well the scene didn't make any sense logistically anyway as there was no way Spike could enter her in the positions they were in. Unless he was endowed in a really freaky way. But it could certaintly be seen as Spike just entering her from behind. I just assumed the directer was suggested anal sex to make a point about the kinkiness of it all. If it was just public sex they would probably have been facing each other. The fact that Spike was behind Buffy during the act suggested that the director wanted to imply anal sex. Well to me anyway.

And some spuffy fans were increadibly turned off by their violence of the first coupling in Smashed and were pretty much intolerant of the entire relationshiop after that, having wanted a more romantic good girl tames the bad boy type story. But the majority of spuffy fans loved the different flavour of sex presented. You only have to read the fan fic to see all the different scenerios that were imagined for the couple. So I can see why some fans were left disapointed after rooting for B/S and then feeling they were made to feel perverted for enjoying viewing the sexual practices the two of them got up to.

I think the fans were unfortunately on a very different wavelength from ME. E.g a lot of spuffy fans saw Smashed as a positive sign with the barriers falling down as the walls in the house crumbled around them but the house falling down was later revealed by the writers to represent the fact that the relationship was unstable and couldn't last. The fans were just getting their wires crossed all season and desperately hanging on to any scenes that gave them hope. Shippers have a real capacity to seize upon favourable scenes and ignore the ones they don't like. And that's not me dissing the shippers. I was a B/S shipper and I constantly rewatched the door scene in DT "Are you drowning or waving, I just want you to save me and the barriers are all self-made" etc. The real problem was that ME seemed to feel they could make audiences love or hate a character or relationship based on their own whim. When they tried to do this in season 6 fans just felt manipulated. Witness the hatred expressed by many for AYW with all the Riley worship used to contrast with Spike. Fans just ended up disliking Marti for scenes like the AR and the egg-dealing "plot".

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Dark Seduction -- Brian, 13:03:02 01/14/03 Tue

In the smooth, silvered mirror of night
I see the dark shadow move;
It's subtle charm weaves a binding spell.
I hear rich words that caress and promise like dark flame,
And I want to embrace that murmuring ecstasy,
To forget all in the rush to surrender.

But my path breaks the thorns that prick me,
Forcing my blood to scream in its rising,
Banishing night for blinding light,
Razor sharp in its penetration,
Scattering the landscape with fearful illumination.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: A look at the sex -- leslie, 13:29:41 01/14/03 Tue

"E.g a lot of spuffy fans saw Smashed as a positive sign with the barriers falling down as the walls in the house crumbled around them but the house falling down was later revealed by the writers to represent the fact that the relationship was unstable and couldn't last."

Here I really think there was a screw-up somewhere along the production line. You want the house falling down to be a bad omen, don't make it an abandoned house that looks like it's slated for demolition anyway so that something new can be built on the site.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: A look at the sex -- leslie, 13:25:38 01/14/03 Tue

"About the balcony scene, I didn't get the impression that it was anal sex at all. Sort of a strange point to argue about, I know, but did anyone else see it that way? I just saw it as him taking her from behind, like shadowkat said. If it was anal sex, then that puts a whole new spin on things and would explain Buffy's comments about the "things" he did to her."

I certainly did, and that may well be why I wasn't quite so flummoxed by the "why do I let him do these things to me" reaction as many seem to have been. Though it also seemed to me that this may have been only the one time we had actually seen the "things" they had been getting up to.

[> Interesting discussion (spoilers for the movie Unfaithful, Season 6 Btvs and BY and CwDP) -- shadowkat, 10:29:08 01/12/03 Sun

Hmmm...I've had at least two discussions about this topic this week. Also just watched the movie Unfaithful last night which has a sexual relationship that reminded me in some ways a great deal of the Buffy/Spike one. For those of you who haven't seen it, Unfaithful is an Adrian Lyne film, starring Diane Lane, Richard Gere, and a french actor I can't remember the name of. The story entails a 40 something housewife and mother becoming engaged in an affair with a book dealer. The initial sex scene - which is told in flashback while she's sitting on a train - has her saying "no...no...I can't.." while he's seducing her, she's in tears, yet powerfully turned on...as he disrobes her...but she's still murmering no...and wrestling with him, so he tells her to hit him - she does and then gives in and they have violent wild sex. Every sex scene they have is passionate, somewhat wild sex - they do it in the bathrooom of a restaurant across the street, while her friends are sitting unaware of this occurrence...at a coffee table in the restaurant. She returns to the table, they comment on how great she looks if a little out of breath and remark on the heartthrob at the end of the bar who she pretends she's never seen before. They also do it in a movie theater. One scene has her fighting him in a hallway...until she reluctantly gives in and he takes her from behind. While I watched these erotically filmed scenes - I was reminded of Smashed - Dead Things on Btvs.
At no point in the proceedings was Lane's character raped, btw. But there were moments in which the "no" means "yes" seduction fantasy seemed tricky and the line between seduction and rape seemed very fine. (Just like there are moments in BTvs where we wonder - about both parties. Gone and Dead Things come to mind.)

The Buffy/Spike relationship was an ambitious one - because it was meant to show a certain type of abusive relationship, the type that I've known people to engage in.
The friends I've known who have engaged in this type of relationship - deny at first that they were in any way responsible or abusive. IT was all the guy's fault or the other person's. Not them. They were seduced. (Sort of like the little kid on drugs who claims someone else got them hooked.) One of my friends after engaging in numerous relationships of this sort - finally hit a catharthis and saw that yes she was responsible and was as abusive as the guys were. Perhaps more so - since some of the guys she hit on for this actually cared about her. But it took her a long time to see it. She wanted to be touched, reached, she wanted to feel but she did not want the commitment or the pain of rejection that came with commitment - if she just had sex and didn't invest in any way in said relationship, he wouldn't be able to truly hurt her or reject her. It was in her view just physical. The physical couldn't hurt her. It made her feel good - at the time. At the same time, she hated herself and wanted to be hurt, wanted to be punished.
She was very very lucky that none of these relationships ended with a rape, although she came close once or twice. It's a tough thing to understand if you have never experienced it or known anyone who has. (Having never experienced it myself - I struggled to get it.)Unfaithful, the movie - deals with similar themes, the addiction - the need to have something in your life. The idea of a craving.
Neither character does it for love in this movie - they do it for the sex. (A distinction from B/S - where one character was in love with the other.)

We all I think can identify with unwanted cravings. The desire to have that additional chocolat bar or eat five donuts or watch Btvs over and over again or even spend all day on the internet. The craving for something to make you feel better, to feel alive, connected, whatever. Chocolat is so addictive partly because it is an aphrodisac - it gives off some of the same feelings apparently as sex might.
It gives you a high. The movie Unfaithful really touched on how an addiction/a craving for sex can have disastorous results. Love never came into it. Although it is easy to confuse the two.

Back to the guagmire that was the B/S relationship in Season 6. Season 6 if you think about it was all about abusive relationships. In all three core relationships on the show - the key abuser, or big bad, was either Willow, Xander or Buffy. And all three reaped horrible results from their abuse. The way the writers built each one was initially ambiguous...and very realistic.

Each relationship when we start the season seems fine on the surface - we really don't see any problems. We're in Buffy, Willow and Xander's povs. In fact if you rewatch Season 6 - we are limited to Buffy/Willow and Xander and the three nerds pov's through most of the season, we rarely leave them. We don't really enter Spike's pov until Entropy.
(And are only briefly in it in Smashed - hence the reason his character seems to coast.) The possible exception might be Anya - where we do spend quite a bit of time in her head and much less in Xanders.

How are each abusive? And do the SG take responsibility for how they are?

First how they are abusive:
1. Xander and Anya - we see Xander repeatedly criticize Anya through the season, he also puts off annoucing their engagement for almost six months, almost as if he's ashamed to share it with his friends. He never tells her his worries or communicates his feelings to her. Instead he makes smart alec remarks about the things she says, what she once was, and implies how he and Buffy and Willow are somehow above her. It's very ambiguous and subtle, but if you watch carefully - it's there - which is why Hell's Bells did not surprise me in the least. It was the inevitable conclusion. Xander doesn't take full responsibility for any of this. Oh he admits standing her up at the wedding was the wrong thing and all. But He refuses to understand how he hurt her, believing it was leaving her with all the wedding guests. He doesn't see why they can't just start up again where they left off. Nor does he understand that in her head he left because she was a demon, a nobody. Xander doesn't really take responsibility for the abuse - he blames it on an outside source - his parents and Anya. Instead of figuring out what is going on - he runs from it.

2. Willow and Tara. This relationship also seems wonderful on the surface. Beautiful in fact. But look again. Willow is controlling it. Tara literally sings how she's under Willow's spell. Willow erases Tara's memories and controls Tara through her magic. When Tara leaves finally - Willow is under the false impression that it is the "magic" habit that made Tara leave. Nope. It's Willow's desire to alter Tara to fit her wishes that terrifies Tara so much. Tara even says this to her - "you don't use magic to make things better for yourself..." That's what Willow was doing and instead of discussing the problems in their relationship - she tried to erase them. She also did not believe Tara could love simple Willow. Willow's insecurity like Xander's insecurity in the X/A relationship - is what caused the abuse. Although Tara finally returns to Willow - it is clear from Willow's reaction to Tara's death, that Willow still had not taken responsibility. She still felt that altering things to fit her ideal was the way to go. She hadn't taken responsibility for the abuse either - she blamed it on an outside source - the magic, the addiction.
Instead of figuring out what is going on - Willow in a sense hides from it.

3. Buffy and Spike. This relationship also seems to start out okay - they appear to be friends. We have a few smoochies. Except it's push me pull me all the way. This relationship is the ultimate love/hate battle. The sex is in of itself a fight. Here's their relationship in a nutshell:

I hate you! I kiss you! I beat you to a pulp! We have sex! I hate you and beat you up or run virtue fluttering!

Watch the episodes.

OMWF: Buffy to Spike - I don't want your help! I thought you wanted me to stay away from you.
Spike to Buffy - fine, I hope you both burn!
Buffy dancing the dance of death
Spike stopping her - singing how one of them has to live.
Spike storming off - tired of group sing along. Buffy follows him. He tells her that she doesn't have to say anything and should go back for group hug. She tells him she doesn't want to. He wanders if she'll ever figure out what she wants. (So does the audience at this point). She tells him she just wants to feel, even if it's not real and he also wants to feel - alive. So they passionately kiss.

Next episode. Buffy pushes him away from her. Insists the kiss meant nothing. Claims she'll never kiss him or touch him again. Then whammo she does to save his life.
They lose their memories. Get them back. Giles leaves. Buffy
refuses his comfort in the bar. Then when he tries to leave dashes after him and kisses him in the Bronze.

Next episode. Spike asks her what this is about. She brushes him off. He tries again - insisting he can change. She hits him. He hits her back - chip doesn't fire. He pretends it did fire, she hits him twice more while he's on the ground. He goes to see what's up with the chip...etc.
Discovers it's working, there's something up with her - which means she's an undead thing too and this would explain this bizar behavior from her and he can have her.
(Typical juvenile response...actually. You're damaged goods, I'm damaged goods. We're on same level now. cool. let's party.) He confronts her. She tells him off and hits him when he won't move. He hits her back. They beat each other up. By the way she threw the first punch. She has pretty much the upper hand in most of the battle. Easily throwing him off her when he says he didn't want to hurt her too much. Then when he thinks she's going to hit him again, she kisses him and engages him in sex - literally forcing herself on him and launching herself at him.

Next episode - next morning they wake up. She insults him.
He tries to seduce her almost succeeds. Insults her. She gets him back. They engage in banter. She insists it will never happen again. That night she's back - demanding he help her find and rescue her sister from Willow. The whole time insulting him. Claiming he's the one into this, not her. They bait each other. He takes sis to hospital. Buffy puts up garlic to protect herself from her own cravings.

Next episode - He comes to see her in daylight. Wants his lighter, she pretends it's not there, when it's in her pocket. He endures insults from her friend Xander. He embarrasses her in front of a social worker. Tries to comfort her. She screams at him. He grabs his lighter out of her pocket. She cuts her hair - because he loved it. Gets turned invisible and decides to go to his crypt, molest, seduce and throw him around.

Next episode...we have a continuation of pretty much the same up until As You Were. Except it doesn't stop there.
She tells him she's using him and it's killing her. But she doesn't leave the poor guy alone. She greets him at the wedding in Hell's Bells and tells him that it does hurt, and it hurts to see him with another girl. In Normal Again - she sits and chats with him - then horribly insults him in front of Xander and Willow. Xander gets his help to help Buffy, he is told by Willow to help her. She insults him again. He gives her hell. Then stalks off.

In Entropy...he tries to get her to tell her friends - convinced now that's the problem. She refuses. He backs off. She goes after him - convinced he set up cameras to spy on her. When he denies it. She insults him again then tells him he has to move on. So he goes to the magic box - he and anya get it on. X/B see it and they attack both S/A
for it. B attacks S for moving on. Gee...

Then in Seeing Red - he's drinking, trying to calm down.
Dawn shows up and gives him hell for hurting Buffy by sleeping with Anya. (At this point, I had the oddest emotional reaction, I desperately wanted to run over to Buffy's house and ask her if she learned nothing from her past relationships and slap the chit. Geeze. Honey do you want the guy to attack you? )

OTOH...Dawn coming to spike was hardly Buffy's fault. Spike, being the arrested adolescent that he is,
also did some nasty things. He keeps egging her on. "It's our little secret", "come on you belong in the dark with me", "oh this is delicious - the girl needs a little monster in her man", joking about eating Richard, having sex in alleyways and behind trees, flaunting himself in front of her constantly, baiting her, and threatening to tell her friends. He acts like a kid here. I can't stop these feelings. I have to tell you I'm sorry...because not doing so is tormenting me. And he is understandably confused - Buffy has sent him mixed signals. And without the soul - he doesn't understand them. He doesn't understand she's using him to hurt herself - this does not compute. Until she literally forces him off her and blasts the message home, making him realize that he is hurting her - that their relationship was never about anything else.

Neither party was the good guy here. It was abusive on both parts. What's always been interesting to me in the analysis of the relationship is the split in the fanbase. half the audience blames Buffy, half blames Spike. My difficulty with it is also oddly enough what i loved about it - if it is possible to have a love/hate relationship with a relationship on a tv show - here it is. The ambiguity.
On the one hand - you feel as if Buffy deserved to get the stuffing kicked out of her or as Willow states: "Buffy you deserve to have every inch of your ass kicked." On the other hand - you really feel for the poor girl -she's in so much pain and hates herself so much that she just wants to be punished, to be hurt.

But back to your points about the sex: The writers weren't commenting so much on the sex as well how the characters chose to engage in it - which was in an odd way - to hurt themselves. Buffy wanted to hurt herself and Spike, for loving her. That's what she tells Webs, that's what she's truly ashamed of. "In his own sick twisted way, he loved me, he really did care...but I didn't want to be loved. I wanted to be punished. I wanted to hurt." She wanted to be touched. reached. Spike for his part wanted to be loved, wanted to be touched, to love in return. He, as a soulless demon, did not understand her self-hatred or her need to be punished. To him love, sex, pain, death, violence - was all one and the same - that's how demons think. Buffy understood that. She knew that going in. It was never a level playing field. Spike realizes that finally in Seeing Red - that he is so far beneath her -in that she can understand him but without a soul - he can never get her. The kinkiness of the sex that makes Buffy feel so ashamed - I believe - is not the type of sex so much as it was the reason she was engaging in it.
Also I think - some of the sex she engaged in...embarrassed her and I seriously doubt the network would have let them show that on screen.

Beneath You - actually gets a little of this across - in the church scene. Buffy goes to touch his bare chest and Spike states: "noo...touching. Am I real to you? Am I flesh? Flesh then. Get it hard. Service the girl." Am I just flesh...is that all I am to you? When she throws him across the room. "That's right don't want the flesh - without the spark..." Their sex - which is what shames her - was just two bodies banging together. That is what the writers commented on as being abusive and wrong.

Spike comments on this again in Never LEave Me - "you used me. That's right - you told me that. But I didn't understand you then. I didn't understand the violence inside. As evil and wretched as I was back then, I never truly hated myself. Not like I do now. I understand now.
You hated yourself and put it on me."

That's what she's ashamed of, so ashamed it's hard for her to face him. These two characters have to forgive themselves for what they've done. No one hates Spike more right now for that attempted rape and those deaths - than Spike. Spike hates Spike for it. The writers go out of their way to show it. Buffy is ashamed with herself for abusing him the way she did, for beating him down. For getting off on causing him pain and for getting off on the pain he caused her. "The things he made me do..." Could very well be the things he made me do to him...the things I did to him. "I behaved like a monster last year.." she tells Webs, "The things I did to him, to my friends.."
We never know what they did with the handcuffs, but in the dream sequence in Dead Things - Spike has them on. And in the same sequence - she's staking him while he's asleep or threatening to.

When I was watching Unfaithful - it reminded me of this. Something I'd also seen in the sex scenes in Basic Instinct. The sex is not love so much as war - two people fighting their mutual attraction and each other. Hurting themselves and their lives, due to some sort of mutual yet unconnected pain. Sex in the City - is not a good example of this - for one thing it's on a cable channel and can pretty much show anything (in US there are censors who prohibit some stuff believe it or not, but on premium pay cable channels? anything goes.) It also isn't really talking about abusive relationships so much as just having sexual relationships. I've watched the show and have yet to see them explore anything quite that deep.

The B/S relationship has changed a lot since last year. As have the two characters - Buffy and Spike aren't the same people. The nice thing about Btvs is they never repeat themselves. This year they are showing the characters start to take responsibility for their actions, feel the consequences. Part of the reason they gave Spike a soul - was so he could join the others in taking responsibility for his acts and feeling the consequences of them. They are also demonstrating how good relationships can be formed. To do that you need a contrast. I don't believe Spike is the bad boyfriend this year, any more than Buffy is the bad girl friend. I think the story now is different.

I also think the writers interviews served to confuse viewers. They went into tricky territory with Buffy and Spike, because we were no longer sure which character was the bad boyfriend here. But that's the reality of these types of relationships - which more often than not can have truly violent results. LEaving both parties wounded and in pain.

Just my impressions for what it's worth...SK

[> [> Re: Interesting discussion (spoilers for the movie Unfaithful, Season 6 Btvs and BY and CwDP) -- Miss Edith, 11:39:15 01/12/03 Sun

You made some really good points and I agree with you that Buffy and Spike abused each other. Spike is my favourite character but I did have real sympathy for Buffy in season 6 and tried to see where she was coming from. I could understand her beating Spike in DT for instance as not an evil act, so much as the actions of a desperately confused young woman. And Spike did indeed egg her on. In Smashed he tells her "I'm the only one here for you pet. I'm all you've got". Not to mention the infamous balcony sex with Spike telling her to look at her friends and think of what their reaction would be. Both Buffy and Spike were in pain and behaved badly. I have never questioned that.

I just don't like the implication of Buffy talking of things Spike made her do. She constantly puts herself in the passive role, even in season 7 after taking responsibility for acting like a monster at times towards Spike. My point is that the heroine did initiate the sexual relationship and Buffy is denying that and constantly acting as if Spike deflowered her and released all her bad sexual corruption which wouldn't have existed without Spike. When Buffy talks of the things her ex partner made her do that is the impression being given to the majority of the audience.

ME interviews have constantly suggested Spike was the one in the wrong and Spike was based on the abusive ex of one of the writers in season 6. This has constantly been said in interviews with writers admitting that Spike was there to explore the theme of the bad boyfriend in relation to the heroine. Seeing Buffy as Spike's victim is not such an interesting place to go as the idea of the two of them abusing each other. But in season 6 I honestly believe that was what ME intented as we were constantly being told we should be sympathising with Buffy and Spike was still evil.

And I know Sex in the City is just a light comedy. But I just can't help making a contrast between the repression of the scoobies in comparision to the women on that show who will discuss which sexual practices they prefer. Anya's sexuality is used to present her as different and other and I do see a message being projected however unwittingly about how we should keep all talk of sex in the bedroom.

[> [> As always, your analysis awe me...IMO...you nailed it! -- rabbit, 15:05:56 01/12/03 Sun


[> [> Ah! It all comes rushing back. : ) -- Deb, 20:09:34 01/12/03 Sun

Montage of love/hate.

Just one observation: I find it strange that this season, Buffy has felt that she does not need permission to touch Spike, but Spike is very aware of her feelings regarding touching and backs off. Reminds me of when I was pregnant, and strangers would come up and touch my stomach all the time without even acknowleding me. Everytime I've seen Buffy do this to Spike, I burn the slow burn. I felt like a "thing" when people did it to me when I was pregnant. The last scene in 7.11 was the first mutually OK touching. But the FE can't be touched, so to find out if someone is "real", you must touch them. It wasn't the soul that allowed Buffy to see Spike as "real" but his being solid to show he wasn't the FE. Of course she does tell Dawn that she "feel for him."

This would make a great thesis. Believe it or not I still haven't had a topic approved.

[> [> [> Gotta disagree with you Deb -- Rufus, 03:50:35 01/13/03 Mon

last scene in 7.11 was the first mutually OK touching. But the FE can't be touched, so to find out if someone is "real", you must touch them. It wasn't the soul that allowed Buffy to see Spike as "real" but his being solid to show he wasn't the FE.

All I can start with is the Shooting Script part with the last scene with Buffy and Spike....which I think mirrors Intervention in many ways......From Psyche's transcripts...

. Underground Cavern - Later that night

Close on Spike, hanging up on the wall, as his eyes flutter open to see......

Buffy, still exhibiting the wounds of her battle, standing before him, holding a Bringer's dagger.

Spike begins to smirk, wryly...

Spike: A....knife, now, is it? What...What'll that? Y-you
can't...hurt me. You're just a bloody figment, you are. Just a......


He stops as she moves in and starts to cut his bindings. Spike looks in her eyes. Full of pain and empathy. And in the moment, he knows. It's Buffy. And he starts to weep.

Without a word, Buffy finishes cutting the bindings tying Spike's hands to the wall. He starts to fall, but she catches him. Holding him up.

Spike stares at her. She offers him a small, comforting smile. And then, slowly letting him lean on her...they walk away together.

Black out

End of show


Buffy has already told Spike she trusts him, and that she believes in him, so the scene at the end of Showtime is like the one with the Buffybot in Intervention....just that Spike fears that anything looking like Buffy is just a figment. The touch in this scene isn't for her to make sure it's him, but for Spike to confirm that it's Buffy and when he see's that it is he can only weep. The Buffy in his dreams was closer to the real Buffy than the First because the First always resorts to mocking Spike, where Buffy no longer does. The First may not have been able to cut him with a knife but it's words to him when he says "she will come for me" are as sharp...."No, I won't"...that would be Spike's worst fear, that Buffy wouldn't find him. Wouldn't want to find him......so as happy as he was to be set free, the fact that the battle scarred Buffy found him was proof that she wasn't just saying words he wanted to hear in the basement.

Now to the damaged goods.....SK is right..once Spike thought Buffy was like him....damaged the stage was set for a multi-episode demoliti