| Mutant
Existential Scoobies presents Angel: the Series Season 6 Episode 18 Down In The Ground Where The Dead Men Go Part 1 (September 2, 2007) Written by OnM, Lady Starlight, Deeva, and Alliterator |
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PREVIOUSLY, ON "ANGEL" - - FRED sags into SPIKE'S arms in the hallway of the monastery. Get this...thing out of me!! - ILLYRIA gazes at Spike menacingly in the same hallway. I've been weak, letting those memories infect me like a disease. - Griffith Park. The flamboyant OBERON and his minions FADE AWAY into the night as the Shakespearian spell dissolves. It was good having Wes back for a while, wasn't it? SPIKE (nodding) Yeah. And Fred, too. ANGEL It was an illusion, people. No point in getting all misty over it. FEMALE VOICE (o.s.) Uh, guys? Fred emerges from out of the trees behind them. What are you babbling about? I'm standing right here. - ILLYRIA sits on the bed in her monastery room, gazing around at walls covered in scrawled writing and mathematical equations. Maybe that really is Fred. Maybe she's been inside Illyria all along! ANGEL (v.o.) It can't be! - GUNN and LORNE walk through a sewer tunnel. I'm not Wolfram and Hart, and I'm not Angel. But I am serious about doing something to end all this death. - Angel and Spike have an intense conversation in Spike's car. It's hard to convince people you really can see the forest for the trees. The problem is, the forest is disappearing. SPIKE You can't expect everyone to see it the way you do. That's what got Charley all rogue-ish. ANGEL (with a sad look) I lost Gunn a long time ago. - Fellow sorcerer GABRIEL SANTOS argues with MICHAEL BARBER in his basement workshop. Nothing's changed, Michael. The members of the Conjurer's Union still don't take you seriously. If you don't have something solid to back yourself up with for a change, they're going to eat you alive. - Michael uses the DRAGON'S STONE to raise the dead from the memorial graveyard. The camera weaves slowly among the risen. It passes a young woman, a small boy, an elderly man. The last thing you remember may have been pain...and darkness. Well, that's all over now. You were dead. The camera angles around an old woman to reveal - WESLEY WYNDAM-PRYCE. But you're not dead anymore. - Angel, Spike, Gunn, Faith, Gwen, and Rona stand in a sewer tunnel. The look up towards the open manhole at the sound of a familiar voice - Marvelous. An escape through the sewers. Just like old times. - Angel points his sword back in the approximate direction of the graveyard. We can see it tremble slightly. (to Wesley) You...you were one of them? - A crowd parts and breaks into cheers and clapping as Michael steps into the living room of the Trent/Soutar estate. He looks around at them. A hush comes over the crowd. Hi. My name's Michael Barber. I'd like you to imagine, for a moment.... - Back in the tunnels, Gunn smiles at Wesley as Illyria looks on. There's somebody back at the Hyperion I think you're going to want to see. WESLEY What? Who is it? ILLYRIA An illusion, that is all. The god-king passes the others and heads into the depths of the tunnel. FADE UP TO - WAIT, EVERYTHING'S BLACK. No, not quite. There is a DARK REDDISH GLOW off on a horizon, and it's getting BRIGHTER. PAN DOWN until we see a BEACH with huge, tumultuous waves rolling in to a shore covered with black volcanic sand. The orange-red light is coming from the waves, but the blackness of the sky is swallowing it up, making it hard to focus on anything in the distance. Then, over the din of the crashing waves - Impressive, isn't it? GRADUAL 180-DEGREE PAN until we see that we're on an ISLAND surrounded by WAVES OF BOILING LAVA. FRED and WESLEY are staring at something in abject astonishment. They don't speak, just stare, although Fred mouths words that could be "holy shit!!" The scary voice changes tone, becoming almost human-sounding and vaguely female. (sounding disappointed) All right, all right. I should have known. You guys are in the trade. Jaded, seen it all. Yeah, yeah.... The voice perks up, becomes positively jaunty. Wait! Check this out! We hear the sound of fingers snapping. SMASH-CUT TO - INT. AN OFFICE An ordinary office, neither very sumptuous nor particularly plain. Wesley and Fred are suddenly seated in chairs facing a desk, of which we see just the front edge. They seem STARTLED and look about themselves, then ahead at whomever is sitting behind the desk. A tune is drifting, Muzak-y and tinnily, through cheesy speakers in the ceiling. Lie-la-lie, lie-la-lie-la-lie-la-lie, lie-la-lie.... Yes, it's from Simon and Garfunkle's The Boxer. Lie-la-lie, lie-la-lie-la-lie-la-lie.... HOLD on the shocked Fred and Wesley's stares for a few more seconds, then - REVERSE ANGLE, and reveal - ...lie-la-lie-la-lie.... (smiling big time) Now, is this cool, or what? BLACK
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EXT. AERIAL SHOT - LOS ANGELES - LATE AFTERNOON - ESTABLISHING INT. UNDERGROUND SEWER TUNNEL CUT TO A SERIES OF SHOTS of the same section of tunnel - WESLEY and GUNN, walking together; then, a moment later, FAITH, RONA, and GWEN; and finally, CONNOR, SPIKE, and ANGEL. ILLYRIA is nowhere to be seen. A SHAFT OF SUNLIGHT from a large overhead grate stipples the floor ahead. Wesley and Gunn pass right through it; then the women; then Connor. MUSIC drifts down through the grate from the street above from a nearby radio. I was just a poor boy, though my story's seldom told.... Spike edges carefully around the shaft of light. Angel glances up - I have squandered my resistance for a pocket full of mumbles, such are promises.... - And gets NICKED on the side of his face by a stray beam. He winces as his flesh smokes briefly and jumps away. Damn it! SPIKE (smirking) Nice move. Very masterful. You're an inspiration to vampires everywhere. ANGEL Shut it. Something distracted me. SPIKE Obviously. CONNOR Must have been an oldies station. SPIKE Obviously. They go back to walking. (muttering, eyes back on the tunnel ahead) Wesley and Gunn are hitting it off. CONNOR Why are we going to the hotel, anyway? ANGEL (shooting a glance at Spike) So I can make nice with Gunn. SPIKE (with a sigh) Obviously. Angel glares, but Spike merely smiles back. Rubbing his wounded cheek, Angel walks on in silence. CUT AHEAD TO Gunn and Wesley, who are talking softly, but with great animation. I just can't wrap my head around this. Fred can't be alive! Her soul was destroyed, consumed by Illyria. GUNN So we thought, but then who was it told us that? Illyria's evil hench-boy, and that cheating, lying bastard Doctor Sparrow. Wesley shakes his head adamantly. No, no, I would have known. I could feel it, Charles. She was gone. GUNN (insistent) She was buried so deep in there that nobody knew. Not until the personalities started switching back and forth. WESLEY But how can you be so sure it really is Fred? It could be a trick, something the Senior Partners cooked up to distract you. GUNN We thought so too, at first. But now I really don't think so. First off, we haven't heard a definitive peep out of the Senior Partners since the Black Thorn aftermath. Second...well, you just said you could "feel" it. ...And to all of us, she just "feels" like Fred. CUT BACK TO Faith, Rona, and Gwen. Faith is armed with her crossbow. Gwen is a few steps ahead of the Slayers. IN LONG SHOT - The three of them are, in turn, ten or so feet behind Gunn and Wesley, just far enough away that the men's voices are indistinct murmurs. Rona seems a bit on edge. So now what? FAITH Now what, what? RONA Shouldn't we be doing something more productive? These tunnels would be the pits, except they aren't that good. Faith thinks for a bit. All right. Why don't you head back and check in with the rest of the girls? Let them know what's up, and that we're five by five. She glances ahead at Gwen, who is nearing a side tunnel. Hey, Zap Mama. Gwen stops in her tracks, exasperated. She turns, clenching her hands into fists. I've asked you not to call me that! I'm not that much older than you are, so could you extend just the slightest bit of respect? Faith peers down the side tunnel, holding her weapon at the ready. Whatever. Rona's ditching this. Feel like tagging along? Gwen pivots and approaches Faith, opens her mouth to speak, then stops as she steps in something that makes an ugly, leather-boot-ruining sound. She glances down and grimaces. I thought you'd never ask. Rona? RONA (nodding) Let's travel. The two of them peel off down the side tunnel. Faith turns from watching them to staring back ahead. CUT BACK TO Gunn and Wesley. GUNN'S POV - Wesley halts suddenly as what Gunn has been describing finally sinks in. He turns to Gunn with a hopeful expression and stops just short of grabbing him by his jacket to hold on for support. She's really alive? GUNN (smiling) Yeah. WESLEY I have.... I don't know how I'm going to explain this. But I have to. GUNN I understand. (he gestures forward) Go, don't wait for us. Wesley gazes at Gunn for a few seconds, then turns away. CUT TO FAITH'S POV - Wesley takes off down the tunnel at full tilt. Faith glances briefly back at - Spike, Connor, and Angel, now thirty feet behind her, then holsters her crossbow and jogs quickly to Gunn's side. He eyes her with concern. (whispering) Problem? FAITH (quietly) He's gone ahead to see her? GUNN Looks that way. FAITH Think this might be more of a shock than...somebody's ready for? GUNN (shrugging) Might be. But what can you do? FAITH Run interference? He nods at her. Faith takes off after Wesley. Gunn watches her go, then glances back over his shoulder. His POV - Connor, Spike, and Angel are so far down the tunnel he can just make them out. He sighs. CUT TO a TIGHT SHOT of the three of them. Angel's mood hasn't improved. Well? You're not going to get anywhere hangin' back here. ANGEL (wearily) Just...let me do this my own way, Spike. It's complicated. SPIKE Because you make it complicated. ANGEL It is. It's not like before. (beat) Gunn has plenty of experience, and obviously he's doing pretty damn well without me. SPIKE Look. You don't do so well anymore when you're trying to be the Lone Avenger. Chuck knows that, I know that, and you bloody well know that somewhere inside that thick skull of yours, too. CONNOR (shrugging) Gunn can have all the experience in the world, but that doesn't mean he can cool all the people all the time. Maybe the demons would rather talk to another...demon. SPIKE Kid's making some sense. Angel glances, disgruntled, at both of them. Spike steps back and SMACKS him on the back of the head. Oi. All that cheap hair gel gone to your head? Listen up, here! Angel halts and turns, rubbing the spot. Would you stop hitting me! (he grimaces) Once again, let me point out-- Gunn and I see things differently. CONNOR So. Shouldn't that be a strength? Angel starts to speak, then stops. Father and son stare at each other for a long moment. God...finally!! INT. HYPERION LOBBY - EARLY EVENING Wesley stands at the entrance to a darkened hallway. A shiver passes through him. Not surprisingly, since he's staring at - FRED, sitting at the desk in what used to be Angel's office, sipping from a blue mug. The light behind her is producing a kind of halo effect around her head. Wesley stares and stares, unmoving, then startles as he hears the SOFT PAD OF FOOTSTEPS approaching. He pivots to face the darkened hallway. (softly) Faith. Where are the others? Faith strides towards him. Be awhile. I came ahead. Wesley turns away from her and looks back at Fred. His POV - She is now standing, pulling a book down from a shelf. Faith watches with him for a good ten seconds or so. (voice soft now as well) Well? She's right there. WESLEY I know. (he compresses his lips) Before, it was all about losing her. Now it seems I'm the one who's lost. Faith pats him solidly on the back of the shoulder. He looks at her, puzzled. Oh, is that all. I can fix that. She pats him a second time, more forcefully. He stumbles and grunts. WIDE CRANE SHOT - The sound of his grunt echoes faintly through the lobby. TIGHT SHOT - Fred looks up and scans the area, frowning. Hey, who's there!? Is that you, Charles? Faith strides out past Wesley and into the lobby proper. Just me. How're ya doin', Fred? Fred steps out of the office as Faith approaches, looking confused and concerned. TWO SHOT, MEDIUM CLOSE-UP - Faith. What is it? Is Charles all right.... Is Angel? FAITH Yeah, they're both cool. But something really wild has happened, and it concerns you, so I'm...I'm bein' the, wha'd you call it, "harp-bringer"? FRED Huh? You mean "harbinger"? FAITH (brightly) Yeah, that's it. Tidings and stuff. Faith's happy expression turns serious, and she shifts a bit closer to Fred. Fred tilts her head just slightly, listening. It's a little awkward, though. You know how we live in this world where the impossible seems to happen at least every other week? (beat) Well, this is one of those weeks. FRED (confused) Impossible? Before Fred can say anymore, Faith turns and beckons at someone across the lobby. (peeved) Faith, really, I.... Fred's POV - WESLEY steps slowly out into the light, eyes locked right on Fred's. (stunned) ...I...I...ohh.... He approaches slowly but deliberately. Fred's eyes widen. She puts a hand to her mouth. Fred? It's me. I can't explain how it happened, but.... I'm alive again. I'm real. A short, hysterical giggle slips out from behind Fred's hand. She falls back against the frame of the office doorway. I--I had to see you. Fred's hand falls limply to her side. The color drains from her face, and she begins to slip down the door frame. Fred? Are you-- Uh-oh. Wesley dives towards Fred as Faith reaches for her. At almost the same instant, Fred catches herself, halting her floor-ward slide. Whoa, easy there, girl. You 're O.K....you're O.K.. WESLEY Dammit...I shouldn't have.... FAITH (glancing at him, peeved) Of course you should. Get over yourself, O.K.? She's tough. Hell, I just about lost it when I first saw you outside the hotel. Fred is steady once again, staring at Wesley, just trying to take it all in. Wes? (long pause) It's.... FAITH (softly) Yeah. It's him. DISSOLVE TO a THREE-SHOT of them, seen from the shadowed hallway threshold Faith and Wesley were in a few moments before. HOLD. THEN CUT TO - INT. THE SEWER TUNNELS - CONTINUOUS Our intrepid threesome are still slogging along, but apparently not for much longer. Connor points. That's it, around that bend. SPIKE Yep. A short saunter down this lovely stone-lined lane, and we shall be en-hoteled. He glances at Angel. The three of them turn the corner and start down the smaller connecting tunnel. Angel slows. (clearing his throat) I wonder where Illyria got to. SPIKE Blue? Dunno, she buggered off right quick back there, didn't she? CONNOR Maybe she headed here by some other route? ANGEL I doubt it. She knows this is where Fred's staying now, and if you want to talk differences.... INT. HYPERION OFFICE - CONTINOUS Fred is now sitting at one end of the old, battered couch; Wesley is seated at the other. Faith is watching the two from the door with an enigmatic smile. There we go. Now everyone's back in the land of the living again. She waves at them and turns to exit. Which means it's my cue. (a smirk) You kids be careful now...don't break anything. She departs. Wesley turns slowly towards Fred and smiles warmly, waiting. Fred is staring at the door where Faith was. Finally, she turns to look at the man seated down from her. (slowly) You're...you're just a mental construct, a dream image of a dead man. I'm asleep right now on that desk and I'm dreaming. Or dead. (beat) Yes, I'm dead and I'm dreaming. That's right. I'm dead and.... WESLEY You're not dead. And now it seems that I'm likewise not. Fred covers her eyes with her hands and shakes her head. This is a dream. Wesley shifts quickly down the couch. He reaches out and tugs gently on her hands. He lowers them. This isn't a dream. FRED I watched you die. So you can't be here, alive. You're not real. WESLEY I am real, and...and.... (caught off-guard) ...What did you just say? FRED See, that's just what someone who wasn't real would say-- Impulsively, Wesley leans in and kisses her. Fred's eyes close, and she seems to fall into the moment effortlessly. The kiss ends; Wesley pulls back and brushes some strands of hair away from her face, smiling. Fred's eyes open, and she stares at Wesley. O.K., you're real. (beat) But then maybe you're not Wesley, you're a shape-shifter. Or a robot. Yes, that's it-- a robot ninja just like that one time. WESLEY I'm not a shape-shifter or a robot...ninja. Ask me anything. FRED (thinking quickly) Oh, right. Um...what's my favorite food? WESLEY Pancakes. With lots of syrup. FRED No, wait, that was stupid. Lots of people know that one. (she looks away) I need to ask something only you would know. She thinks hard, then - What...what was the last thing I said to you? Wesley instantly loses his contented expression. He swallows hard and reaches for Fred's hands again. (softly) You asked me.... He chokes up. She squeezes his hands back, hard. (barely audible) You asked me...why you couldn't stay. Fred looks at him in astonishment; the moment stretches. Finally - But...how? WESLEY (distraught) Does it matter? FRED (shaking her head) No. No, it doesn't. This time it is she who reaches out to him. She pulls him toward her and kisses him passionately. HOLD on that briefly, then - CUT TO a CLOSE-UP TWO-SHOT - They pull back and embrace. Fred's eyes are closed at first, but when they flick open, we clearly see a brief flash of ILLYRIA'S COLD BLUE EYES. SMASH CUT TO - EXT. AERIAL SHOT - LOS ANGELES - EVENING The sun wanes low over the horizon. EXT. A STONE WALL BEHIND THE TRENT/SOUTAR ESTATE ILLYRIA is seated on the parched ground against the stones, arms wrapped around her bent legs, forehead pressed tightly to her knees. The whole pose looks stressed, almost painful. Suddenly her head flies back, SMACKING HARD into the wall with a CRACK. Tiny stone chips drop down onto Illyria's shoulders. She stares out into space. Her legs relax and stretch out a bit, then her hands rise to her head. One winds its fingers around her neck and begins to SQUEEZE TIGHTLY just short of choking. The other wanders over her cheeks, down past her chin, and finally up to her mouth, fingertips pressing lightly and then more firmly on her lips. Her blue eyes close for several seconds. When they open again, they are FRED'S BROWNISH-HAZEL. Illyria stares into space again for several long seconds, unblinking, then - (murmuring) No...no.... She rises to a standing position at lightning speed. No! CLOSE-UP - With a violent shake of her head, she recovers herself. She blinks several times and the hazel color fades. Her irises returns to their normal ice-blue. FULL SHOT - She heads forward towards the rear of the residence, eyes searching, very uncharacteristically muttering to herself as she goes. You will not reside with me. It is a violation, and it will end, or I will destroy all around me until it does! Her POV - a non-descript DOORWAY in the back of the house. She approaches it and tries the knob. It resists. Angrily, she TWISTS MORE FORCEFULLY until it SNAPS. But the door still will not open. She rears back, ready to slam full tilt against the door, then suddenly STOPS. She bends down and examines the broken fixture intently, poking at the damaged metal with a finger. A pleased smile crosses her face. She draws back her finger and JABS IT right at the center of the knob mechanism. INT. ROOM The interior knob and the remains of its shaft FLY OUT from the lock assembly and land on the floor with a soft clunk. EXT. DOOR With two fingers, Illyria tugs the lock's bar sideways out of the jamb. She stands and pushes inward. The door swings open. She slips quietly inside, smiling. Incompetent humans. So easily confounded. RAPID FADE TO BLACK. INT. HYPERION MAIN OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Wesley and Fred break away from their embrace and sit back on the couch, still holding one another's' hands. I missed you so much. FRED Me too. (beat) Only, I didn't miss me, I missed.... WESLEY (laughing softly) I know. Just then, the firm, masculine clearing of a throat comes from outside the office. Startled, they stand. Their POV - Gunn. And behind him, Angel, Spike, and Connor, watching from the lobby. Spike waves. He's smiling broadly, as are Connor and Gunn. Angel, on the other hand, appears plainly unhappy. When he notices Fred and Wesley looking towards him, though, he makes an effort to smile. (to Fred) Perhaps we'd best go somewhere more...private. FRED Big yes to that. She takes his hand again and they exit the office doorway, the "crowd" parting to let them through. Fred waves as they go by. (with a goofy smile) Hi, guys.... Bye, guys. WESLEY (awkwardly) Uh...we'll...talk later, O.K.? They head to the main staircase as fast as decorum allows and slip up the steps. PAN UP - As they disappear around the corner of the second floor landing, CUT TO - Angel's expression darkens again. Anybody else waiting for the axe to drop? (off everyone's looks) Not literally. Gunn shakes his head. Only you, man, only you. (then he levels his gaze at Angel) So is there a reason you followed me here? ANGEL (awkwardly) Uh, yeah. (then, business-like) Someone needs to go find Michael Barber and see if his fingerprints really are all over this. GUNN You're thinking you? ANGEL I was, yeah. GUNN Suppose he's still ticked at you and has one of those mystical barriers set up around his place? ANGEL (caught off guard) Well, uh...I guess that's possible, and I'll deal with it when I'm there, if I have to. SPIKE You gonna throw rocks through the windows with rude and/or pleading notes attached? Neither Angel nor Gunn spare a glance at Spike. Pretty sure he'd be willing to see me. Angel gives Gunn one final scrutiny. O.K. Grab your stuff and let's go. GUNN I'm ready. Angel pivots and heads towards the lobby entrance. Gunn glances wryly over at Spike and Connor as he starts after him. And we're off to see the wizard. Angel and Gunn head for the door. Spike turns to Connor. Now that Dorothy and Toto are safely away, it's a good time for a drink, methinks. Wanna raid the kitchen? Connor nods and stuffs his hands in his pants pockets. They wander off. CUT TO - INT. THE HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE KITCHEN - A MOMENT LATER They stop just inside the kitchen door. Spike's eyes widen and he grins. Hey there, Jail-Bird. Whatcha doin'? SPIKE'S POV - Faith, sitting at the kitchen table, beer bottle in one hand. She looks at them. EXT. THE TRENT/SOUTAR ESTATE - FRONTAL VIEW - ESTABLISHING The broad, three-story brick-and-stone mansion looks less impressive set among withered trees and grass. INT. MICHAEL'S LIVING ROOM Michael sits surrounded by a group of news reporters, fellow sorcerers, and curious on-lookers shooting questions at him. He appears tired, as if the interview has been going on for some time. He finishes responding to a question, then gestures a halt. Now, if that's all for tonight.... His voice trails off. With a nod to the group, he rises and turns to exit the room. A dark-blue-robed man jumps up. Wait! I have another question! TV NEWSWOMAN As do I. At least half a dozen others begin to raise their hands or clamor for attention again. Michael turns back and sighs. Please...I'm sure many of you do, and I'm happy to answer any and all of them...but it'll need to be tomorrow. Tonight was only the opening announcement of what I have done and of my plans to stem this tidal wave of chaos. BLUE-ROBED MAN (skeptically) You haven't even told us that much! MICHAEL Then I'll clear everything up for you. Tomorrow. It's been a busy night and I expect most of you are tired, as I am. Michael starts to turn away again. You seem to be taking credit for fixing things, but what have you actually repaired? You say you've brought people back from the dead, but... how exactly will that "fix" anything? MICHAEL (wearily) I brought them back because their deaths were senseless; they should never had happened in the first place. TV NEWSWOMAN There are thousands, even millions of senseless deaths in the world. Are you going to resurrect them all? MICHAEL No, of course not, but-- TV ANCHORWOMAN So why were these victims special? Are you using some kind of racial or social profile to determine who's selected? Michael struggles to control his irritation and remain calm and professional. I assure you...I have a plan for everything. (beat) Now, we must continue this another time. (he forces a calming smile) In the meanwhile, please be patient. All is as it should be. YOUNG MALE VOICE Dad? Michael startles and looks down for the source of the voice. Michael's POV - his SON, dressed in pajamas, gazing up and holding onto his father's pants leg. Daddy, when are you going to read to me? Michael closes his eyes briefly. Then he raises his head and smiles benevolently at the group. Thank you all for coming. (he clasps his hands together) I'm afraid it's been a long day for me, so I must ask all of you to leave. If you wish, we can reconvene here tomorrow, but for now, good night. He turns and exits the frame. The crowd reluctantly begins to rise and file towards the front door. INT. BACK HALLWAY The sounds of their movements continue as Michael trails down the hall. He enters a room to the left near the hallway's end. INT. BEDROOM He walks to the single bed in the far corner of the room and pulls down the covers. Then he stops himself, sits down on the edge of the mattress, and stares at the room. After a moment, he massages the back of his neck and begins to whisper, his words inaudible. FADE SLOWLY TO BLACK. CUT TO - LONG SHOT - INT. THE HALLWAY - A MOMENT LATER Michael emerges from the bedroom in a bathrobe and pulls the door toward him, leaving it slightly ajar. Then he turns and heads toward the living room, rubbing his eyes as he walks. PULL BACK into a WIDE SHOT of the living room proper - it is now empty. Almost. Michael drops his hands and nearly chokes as he sees - ILLYRIA, standing just beyond the kitchen door frame, watching him intently. Michael tries with fierce desperation to keep some semblance of composure in his features. Illyria moves towards him quickly and quietly, stopping just short of him. She studies him. Finally, Michael musters up the focus to return her steely gaze. Illyria. It's...very late, is there something...? Her expression is a cross between curiosity and condescension. When she speaks, condescension wins - It seems that I have underestimated you, Sorcerer. MICHAEL I...well...that's an interesting...assessment. I do think I have...depths that many do not fully appreciate. ILLYRIA Perhaps you do. I am offering you an opportunity to confirm whether this..."assessment" is correct. MICHAEL (parrying) Rest assured I'll do whatever I can. What is it you need? He stares at her with horrified fascination as she moves a hand to her face, then slides it down until it GRIPS HER NECK in a choking gesture. She locks eyes with him, then drops her hand and abruptly turns away. (back to him) The Winifred Burkle memories can no longer be tolerated. I need you to remove them from this body. MICHAEL (taking this in) I see. That's a...challenging request. (a pensive pause) This.... Your situation is unique, as you know. ILLYRIA I wish to be what I was. Since that cannot be, I will settle for freedom. She abruptly turns back to face him. Is it within your powers to grant this? She waits for a response. Michael ponders her request. After a moment, his right hand slides into his robe pocket and CUPS SOMETHING THERE. Whatever it is brings a smile to his face, which broadens as he meets the god-king's gaze. Yes. Yes, I do believe that it is. HOLD on them, then - BLACK OUT. |
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INT. A HALLWAY IN THE HYPERION - EVENING FADE UP, DOLLYING ominously towards a set of closed double doors. Strange, muffled sounds are coming from the other side. The camera stops abruptly in front of the doors. Then, distinctly - No...no...No! SMASH-CUT TO - INT. HYPERION KITCHEN Faith, Spike, and Connor are seated around a table. Spike and Connor both have mugs in front of them. Faith is tilting back in her chair precariously, grinning and going to town on a pint of ice cream. Connor is having a fit of the giggles. Sto-op...stop that! Faith brings her chair up just slightly. Connor's wide smile slowly fades. His brow knits. Seriously.... What's going to happen to Fred and Wesley? FAITH Well...when a man loves a woman and she loves him back.... Connor smirks at her. She gives him a teasing look, then breaks up laughing. Spike chuckles also. I mean, is Wesley here for good? SPIKE I suspect Percy'll make do with some slo-mo touchy-feely for a while rather than get to the point. Going through what they have? Bound to make you hang back, be all cautious. No blame there. CONNOR The whole coming back from the dead thing-- That's gotta be...weird. I mean, Wesley isn't a vampire. FAITH (shrugging) You've never met Buffy, have you? (Connor shakes his head) She's human and she's been dead twice already. Seems to have gotten a handle on that-- no after effects I can see. SPIKE (with a snort) Oh, there were after affects. You just weren't around for them. FAITH Even so, she's still here. Why not Wes? Spike sips from his mug. True. Point for your team. Faith's voice grows quiet. You know, I never really thought about God, or gods, or whoever is supposed to be the running things. First off, being a Slayer, just trying to stay alive takes up most of your time. Gettin' philosophical is for profs and people with longer life spans. (beat) But it is freakin' weird that of all the people that came out of that graveyard, Wes was one of 'em.... She trails off. Gods...fate...all that stuff's a bitch, luv. No arguments here. CONNOR I was raised to believe in God. And fate. (they look at him) But I don't think I do anymore. Things happen, and people take advantage of the circumstances to do whatever they want--good, evil.... Spike shrugs. True that. I bet we ask our man Hobbes, he'd say it's all matter of bein' in the right place at the right time. (Connor nods) Well, he wouldn't "say," but--you get where I'm goin', right? EXT. TRENT/SOUTAR ESTATE - AFTER MIDNIGHT MUSIC CUE - The strains of "The Boxer" start up again. When I left my home and my family, I was no more than a boy, in the company of strangers, in the quiet of the railway station, running scared.... INT. MICHAEL'S BASEMENT GALLERY The song is playing softly from a small radio on a side table. SLOW PAN past the glass cabinets filled with talismans, ornate jars, and exotic creatures frozen on wood bases. The PAN ends on MICHAEL, who is pouring red sand in a circle on the floor while Illyria looks on silently. He finishes and caps the empty, ancient-looking green bottle, then returns it to a nearby pedestal. Illyria appears impatient, but speaks carefully. What are the remaining requirements for this spell? MICHAEL (examining the circle) Well, to restore...what was, first you kind of have to go to Hell. ILLYRIA There are countless dimensions of hell. Which one is this to be? MICHAEL For our purposes there is only one. The human-populated Hell that harbors the river Lethe. ILLYRIA The river of forgetfulness. He pauses and looks up at her. Hmm, impressive. Yes, that one. You'll be bringing back some of the Lethe's water for the spell. ILLYRIA That is all? Why is it that you cannot acquire this substance yourself? MICHAEL Well, my magical abilities aside, I'm still a living mortal being who can't safely enter and leave most hell dimensions without risking grave bodily harm. And this one in particular is rather...uniquely dangerous. He pauses again, then smiles cheerfully. But you are a uniquely powerful being, who could go and come back without much trouble. That's why this is such a perfect opportunity for both of us. Illyria considers this for a moment. Very well. What is the quantity of liquid needed? Michael turns to the pedestal and retrieves the glass bottle. He hands it to Illyria. This much will do. Now, there is just one remaining thing, and we'll be ready. I'll be right back. Illyria stares at the bottle, then returns it to the pedestal. Michael turns and bustles out of the room and returns a moment later cradling a small BLACK LAMB in his arms. It bleats plaintively. (smiling awkwardly) I swear that this encounter must be fated! Granted that Trent knew how to stock a workshop, but... a black lamb. It boggles the mind. Illyria stares at the lamb and does not respond. O.K., perhaps not your mind, but.... Illyria gives Michael a pointed look. Ah. Sorry. Its blood is the key ingredient we need to open the hell portal. Here, please hold her for me while I get the sacrificial dagger and bowl. Michael hands the lamb out towards Illyria, but she makes no move to accept it. Is there a problem? ILLYRIA Why do you not hold the creature? Am I to take it to this hell with me? MICHAEL No, but I can't hold it and use the knife at the same time. (beat) You do want this done, don't you? She eyes him coldly, then complies. Michael hands over the lamb and walks briskly to a cabinet at the far end of the room. The lamb bleats softly at Illyria, but otherwise seems perfectly relaxed. Illyria looks the animal squarely in the face as if trying to intimidate it. It responds by licking her cheek. Illyria grimaces and promptly stretches out her arms to distance the tiny beast from her body. Michael returns with the dagger and places the bowl on a table. All right. Hold her so that her neck is right here. Illyria walks the lamb over. Michael grasps it by the scruff, positions its throat over the bowl, then picks up the dagger and swiftly CUTS THE LAMB'S THROAT. He tenses a little as the helpless creature struggles, but soon it's all over and the lamb lies slack in Illyria's arms. Illyria looks strangely uneasy, almost distressed. Michael takes the dead lamb from her and carries it to a corner of the room, setting it gently on the floor. When he returns, he looks at the god-king quizzically. Something wrong? ILLYRIA (coldly) No. What is the next step? MICHAEL Just this. He picks up the bowl of lamb's blood and pours it into the red sand circle in a slow, thin stream, forming another, darker, circle within it. As the last of the blood closes the circle, he kneels down and places the bowl in the exact center of the circles on the floor. He rises, hand slipping into his robe pocket. Illyria is staring at the bowl and does not see the RED GLOW form in the fabric of the pocket. Michael steps back a few feet. Portus Lethe! A BRILLIANT FLASH BURSTS from the center of the bowl, rising outward above the circles of blood and sand, and begins to SHIMMER. From within it, a portal SWELLS OPEN, creating a small, incandescent breeze in the room. Illyria stares at it, the uneasy look returning to her face. Michael's face breaks out in a sweat. Sorcerer, you are certain that this the correct portal? MICHAEL Quite certain. Why? ILLYRIA It is...familiar. Such defies reason. Michael frowns oddly at her. The hot breeze from the portal INCREASES IN INTENSITY, blowing loose papers off the tables and shelves. (urgently) Go, now. The end point may drift if too much time passes. You recall the incantation of return I gave to you earlier? ILLYRIA Yes. Is there anything else? MICHAEL Just the bottle. (he retrieves it and hands it to her) Go, and when you return, I'll make you free. He gestures at the portal. Illyria moves toward it, bottle in hand. Suddenly - What's going on here? Michael and Illyria stare at the open door of the gallery. Gunn and Angel enter the room, gaping wide-eyed at the glowing, swirling portal. Illyria's face hardens at the sight of them. Meddlesome humans! Have you not afflicted me with your specious presence too many times already? (she turns to Michael) Keep them away from me! And with that, she turns, leaps into the portal, and DISAPPEARS. The portal abruptly collapses behind her. Startled, Gunn and Angel turn to stare at an apprehensive Michael. Then Angel streaks past Gunn, grabs Michael, and SHOVES him up roughly up against a wall. What did you do? Where'd she go? Gunn rushes over with a look of concern. Yo, Angel, calm down! There's no way you're gonna get anything out of him if you rattle him around like that! Angel glances at him, then sets Michael back on his feet and lets go of his shirt. (to Gunn) Thank-- Gunn shakes his head. Don't thank me yet, man. What's this all about? Did Illyria put you up to this? Michael regroups, glancing in Angel's direction. His voice has more than a bit of anger when he responds. She didn't "make me" do anything! She had a problem and needed help. So I helped her! GUNN (jabbing a finger at the sand circle) And this was the solution? MICHAEL N--not exactly. But...it's an element of it. She has to come back for it to be resolved. GUNN (crossing his arms) I think you need to spell out this spell. Michael takes a deep breath. Short version, please. MICHAEL O.K. It isn't complicated. (his eyes dart from Gunn to Angel and back) Illyria doesn't want...to...share her existence with Fred anymore. I intend to free her of the Burkle memories. The portal I just opened leads to the River Lethe, which is in the primary level of the ancient, original Terran hell dimension. Water from the river is the key part of the--- GUNN Wait, wait, wait! (now Gunn's in his face) You're suddenly down with Illyria getting rid of Fred's memories? How do you know that it won't hurt Fred? MICHAEL Well, there's no absolute certainty...b--but I think the likelihood of harm is...virtually nil. (then, insistent) Fred is a separate entity now, but her memories are still imprinted within Illyria, and you have to have noticed her increasing instability, haven't you? Angel looks on over Gunn's shoulder. Yeah, of course, but... GUNN (anger rising) Am I hearing you right? Because what I hear is that you're not completely sure of what you know. (Michael opens his mouth in protest) We discussed this all before, Michael. We don't fully understand this link between the two of them, but what if they're connected? What if we can't have one without the other? MICHAEL (shaking his head) No, no. I am sure this "link" is an illusion. Removing the Burkle memories will have no effect beyond making Illyria stable again. It's easy to see the value in that, isn't it? Gunn turns away and begins pacing the room. Angel moves in again. What's "easy to see" is that you think you're doing something good. But you should at least consider the possibility that you're helping to hurt an innocent. Angel glances over at - the dead lamb, then levels a reproving gaze back on Michael. Although I see that you're having fewer problems with that these days. MICHAEL (offended) How dare you! ANGEL Oh, I dare. And I don't care how you feel about it. All I care about now is stopping Illyria from doing this. And stopping Illyria is like stopping a tidal wave. (Angel steps back) Now open that portal again and send us after her. Gunn stops in his tracks. Wait, what? We're going to hell? Again? ANGEL (eyes still on Michael) You don't have to come. GUNN I know that I don't "have to" do anything. I just wasn't ever planning on going back. Angel turns towards him. Then don't. I'll handle it. GUNN Angel, Illyria can't stand the sight of you right now. I don't see how you think she's going to listen to a word you say. If she really gets her rage on, you could be dust, and you know it. Angel considers this, hands on his hips. Finally, he nods. All right. I admit the odds are better if you come along. So are you in? GUNN (to Michael) Can you put us where she is right now? MICHAEL I really don't want to do this, so.... ANGEL (calmly, to Michael) Look, I appreciate your reluctance, but we've lived with her a lot longer than you have, and we need to keep on doing that. When she gets back, tell her we threatened you. She'll understand that. He gives Michael a look of cool amusement that makes Michael shiver. Michael slides his right hand into his robe pocket, fingering the contents nervously. He eyes Angel a moment, then relents with a nod. But you're both making a mistake. You used to trust me, and you should trust me now. Slowly, he peels himself from the wall, walks over to the circles, bends down and carefully shifts the sacrificial bowl around counterclockwise. Then, standing again, he backs off several feet and stares irritably at the two men. You are also forcing me to break my word to one who has placed her trust in my abilities. I'm not going to forget that. His hand returns to his pocket. A red glow forms there again. Portus Lethe! The portal SWELLS TO LIFE just as it did before, only it has ROTATED A BIT from where it faced previously, and the force of its gale KNOCKS Michael back a step. He flails. His hand slips from the pocket of his robe, revealing the GLOWING DRAGON'S STONE. Angel's eye fall on it. He frowns darkly. Gunn steps back, not seeing it. Whoa. Just two words? Michael pockets the stone. With one last frustrated glance at him, Angel turns to the portal and takes a FLYING LEAP THROUGH IT. Gunn hesitates for just a moment. (to Michael) I'm sorry. We just can't take the chance. Try to understand that. He leaps through after Angel. The portal winks out, leaving Michael staring at the space where it was. He shakes his head, a mix of melancholy and smugness on his face. How foolish they are. They could do so much if only they could see the big picture. He walks over to where the dead lamb lies. Kneeling down, he gently strokes the animal's soft pelt. Then he reaches into his right pocket and pulls out the Dragon's Stone. He glances back at the circle of sand, and is unfazed to see - his SON standing just beyond it. Michael smiles. Watch what daddy can do, Danny. He turns back to the lamb and speaks a soft, short conjuration. The Dragon's Stone GLOWS RED. CLOSE UP - the wound on the lamb's neck begins to CLOSE, the blood disappearing around it. MEDIUM SHOT - Seconds later, the creature quivers and its EYES OPEN. It rises awkwardly to its feet and stares benignly at Michael. Michael leans in to pet it again. It licks Michael's face as it did Illyria's earlier. FADE TO BLACK. INT. A HYPERION BEDROOM - A HALF HOUR EARLIER Fred and Wesley lie on the bed, fully clothed, entwined in a slow kiss. Fred gently pulls back and gazes at Wesley. Can we just...stay here? WESLEY (smiling) For the rest of the day? FRED I was thinking more along the lines of, oh...the rest of forever? WESLEY In bed? Might be difficult to get much work done. And forever is a very long time. (beat) Then there are such issues as food, general personal hygiene, and-- Fred smacks Wesley on the arm playfully. Ow! He rubs at his arm in mock hurt. Don't be silly! WESLEY Says she who talks of forever. Fred leans in and pecks him softly on the lips. It's just...with the way things were, you know, before-- me being somewhat dead, you being seriously dead, and now we're both not dead.... Fred stops at the loving amusement on Wesley's face. I'm babbling aren't, I? WESLEY It's perfectly all right. Wesley strokes her hair and plays idly with the strands. And for the record, I completely agree. Much as I want to hide away and just be with you, we can't. Our principles won't allow that luxury. FRED (with a mock-pout) Principles, schminciples. Look at what they've gotten us so far. Suddenly, a WIND swirls through the room, scattering dust motes and riffling the window curtains. Fred and Wesley stare from the room to each other in bafflement. Then, as they look back towards the bedroom again, Their POV - the bedroom door. A ghostly slow-motion figure of ILLYRIA appears there, looking as if she is in mid-stride of a leap. A split second later, the apparition is GONE. What the.... (she looks at Wesley) Wesley? Did you see that? WESLEY (wiping sweat from his brow) Forever is far too short these days. They both jump out of the bed and run full out towards the door. INT. HYPERION KITCHEN Faith spoons some ice cream into her mouth. Spike sits back, sipping from his mug. A hell dimension? With giant worms? Really? CONNOR They're called "Sluks." Mega-slimy and you really have to hack them up. (a pensive chuckle) Over there...they called me "The Destroyer." Spoon still in her mouth, Faith stares at Connor for a beat. Then she takes the spoon out and points it at him, smiling. You know, you're a little young for my tastes, but I gotta admit you have a certain style. Maybe that comes with being bi-dimensional. Connor's shy grin is broken by a yawn. Faith squints, looking mock-hurt. What? Oh, sorry, no, not that. It's just getting late. (he glances at the ceiling) Maybe I should go and crash or something. CRASH! All three of them jump as Wesley and Fred SLAM THROUGH the kitchen doors. Wesley, breathing hard, stops in front of Spike. Where's Angel? SPIKE (unnerved) Out with Gunn. Went to see a wizard about a spell. Just then, with a whooshing noise and a bright glare of light, Michael's HELL-PORTAL appears right behind Fred. The SIZZLING BREEZE it brings in its wake then REVERSES FLOW and ROARS BACK INTO THE PORTAL. Fred stumbles, struggling to keep from falling backward into the opening. Wesley instinctively reaches out and grabs her by the arms. She clings on to him desperately. Wesley! WESLEY Hang on! (he glances over his shoulder) All of you! Get over here-- Faith, Spike, and Connor are already out of their seats, but everything is over in seconds as Fred and Wesley are SUCKED HEAD-LONG INTO THE PORTAL. The passageway closes up behind them, leaving the remaining three staring in shock at where it had been. SMASH-CUT TO - EXT. HELL IF WE KNOW - SOMEWHERE OUT OF TIME Actually, it's a HIGH STONE BALCONY jutting out from the side of a GIANT CASTLE--a castle so impossibly large it seems like a walled city. The HELL-PORTAL appears and Illyria strides out onto the balcony, still holding Michael's antique green bottle. Confronted by a wide, DARK STONE CORRIDOR leading inside, she whirls around and stares straight into what seems like - CUT TO - AN ENDLESS DISTANCE. The sky is a dark, deep red clotted with black clouds. Illyria looks downward, eyes sweeping towards the castle. Her POV - the ground seems oddly textured, and as we ZOOM IN on it, we realize that the ground isn't ground at all--it's MILLIONS OF TINY OFFICE CUBICLES, laid out in fractal patterns. PAN BACK UP - They are everywhere, radiating in all directions around the castle as far as the eye can see. Illyria sways dizzily. She turns back to the open archway leading from the balcony into the castle interior. She heads inside. INT. THE HYPERION LOBBY - CONTINUOUS Spike, Connor, and Faith exit a corridor, headed intently in the direction of the lobby office. Where do you think it went? SPIKE What? Do I look like R and D? That department would be the two that just popped out of here. CONNOR Well, it didn't look like the portal to Q'uortoth, so that's one less place that they might've gone to. FAITH We need to get a hold of Angel and Gunn. They'll know something or someone. SPIKE Try Gunn's mobile. Faith enters the office. Hope the phone service is up right now. Half the time, it's still flaky. She picks up the phone on the desk and dials. Soon, we hear "Sorry, the number you have dialed is outside of the current service area." Faith slams the handset back onto the cradle. Damn it! EXT. THE GROUND LEVEL OF HELL - CONTINUOUS OPENING WIDE SHOT - The opposite perspective from before. The cubicles recede into the distance, looking like a flat-topped picket fence. At the far edge of that distance, perhaps a mile or two away, is the huge stone castle Illyria entered not long ago. Just to the left in the foreground is a narrow corridor made from the side walls of tiny office cubicles lining it. We hear the sound of quick footsteps approaching. Gunn and Angel appear in the frame, loping towards us up the corridor at a good clip. Angel glances around them and grimaces, as if seeing something that isn't all that pleasant. CUT TO an upper-body TWO SHOT of Gunn and Angel. (to Angel) What? What is it? ANGEL Nothing. (he glances around again, briefly) Explain to me why you think she's up there. Angel points towards the castle. Dunno. Just a feeling. She's all about the grandiose stuff. That thing pretty much fits the script. ANGEL (glancing around again) I don't like this. GUNN (scrutinizing him) Why are you so twitchy? ANGEL I'm not twitchy! GUNN Then stop all that un-twitchy looking around, it's distracting. ANGEL I keep getting this feeling that we're being watched. Up ahead - a number of "office workers" have raised their eyes over the walls of their cubicles and are staring at the visitors. As the two men approach, though, they pop back down before their features can be clearly seen. Of course we're being watched, we're not supposed to be here. I'm sure whoever is in charge is checking us out, or will be soon. ANGEL That's not it. GUNN (looking unsettled) Don't tell me this place is wiggin' you. ANGEL What? No, I.... GUNN 'Cause seriously, that's the vibe I'm getting. We've both been in hell. We know what to expect. ANGEL (muttering) Uh-uh. Not like this. This isn't anything like I expected. Gunn stares at Angel for several seconds, then turns a corner in the maze and speeds up again. Angel follows. As they pass one rusty, plant-entwined cubicle, we hear soft music drifting from the interior. Asking only workman's wages I come looking for a job, But I get no offers.... It dies out quickly behind them. FADE OUT. INT. LILAH'S OFFICE IN HELL - A FEW MINUTES AFTER THE HYPERION PORTAL APPEARANCE Fred and Wesley are seated in Lilah's office, exactly as we left them at the end of the Teaser. "The Boxer" is drifting down in tinny, elevator-music fashion from the ceiling speaker. Lilah is sitting at her desk, smiling. She reaches out and taps at a flat panel touch screen on the desk and the sound from the speaker fades away. Enough of that for now. (brightly) Let's chat! It's been a while. WESLEY (coolly) You didn't bring us here to chat, Lilah. LILAH I didn't bring you here at all. FRED (irritably) Where the hell are we? LILAH (to Fred) You are so fast. It still impresses me. WESLEY (starting to get up) I want an explana-- LILAH Easy there, tiger. She motions him to sit. He complies, their eyes locked. As soon as he is settled, Lilah clasps her hands in front of herself. Have you guys ever read C.S. Lewis? I'm not talking about those sappy Narnia books-- (she makes a face) Eeeshh! Talk about your brain on drugs. (her eyes shift to Wesley, and linger) But he did write some really cool stuff. My personal favorite would have to be "The Great Divorce." FRED Are you serious? LILAH (looking at her) Not always, but often. Anyway, it's about this guy who wakes up to find himself in Hell. But, you know, it's not what he was expecting. Rather, it's this dark and joyless city, this place empty of, well, anything. (she leans towards them) Except here's where it gets good. This guy, along with every other person in hell, has a chance to get into heaven. All they have to do is get on this bus and they'll be taken to heaven. It's that simple. She relaxes back. Wesley is staring guarded daggers through her. Fred fidgets in her seat, looking increasingly impatient. But, you see, not many people get on the bus. Most don't even consider where they are to be hell. (beat) That's the key deception of it--it may be gray and joyless, but so was Earth. And so they're convinced that they aren't in hell, and thus they are denied heaven. She pauses briefly to gauge their reaction. Wesley opens his mouth to speak, but she cuts him off. Best of all? Some even know they're in hell, yet refuse to get on the bus, believing that the familiarity of hell is still better than the unknown of heaven. She breaks into a huge grin. Man, I love that story. Don't you? WESLEY (calmly) Lilah, I don't know what your game is, but-- Suddenly the phone rings. It is an old, black desk telephone like the ones from the late fifties, but there's no dial or buttons on it. Lilah answers it. She gets an intrigued expression on her face, thanks the caller, and hangs up. Her gaze settles on Wesley. My. Busy day here. We have another new arrival. (then it shifts to Fred) An unexpected one. INT. THE HELL CASTLE Illyria wanders down a stone-walled corridor lined with torches. No one else is in sight, although in passing, we see hundreds of doors along miles of cross-secting corridors. She finally turns a corner. We hear a song coming from one of the rooms up ahead. And I'm laying out my winter clothes wishing I was gone, going home.... She follows the sound and passes through the door where it's coming from. INT. CASTLE ROOM The room is brightly lit--too brightly, with about fifty FLORESCENT LIGHTS crammed onto the tiny ceiling. Oddly, the lights aren't humming, although several of the tubes start to blink as soon as she enters the room. Her eyes fall on - A HUMAN MAN seated at a tiny workstation wearing a heavy, antique-looking headset with a microphone. A machine in front of him with rows of lighted buttons beeps. The man punches one of the buttons. Please hold. (he turns to Illyria) Is there something I can help you with? ILLYRIA (head tilt) You were expecting me? Beep. (into the microphone) Please hold (to Illyria) No. Should I be? ILLYRIA What is this place? Where am I? Beep. Please hold. (to Illyria) You're on floor two-sixteen. ILLYRIA Floor two-sixteen where? Beep. Please hold. (to Illyria) You mean you don't know? Illyria marches over and RIPS OFF his headset with the hand not holding Michael's bottle. (wincing) Ow! Why'd you do that? ILLYRIA It was annoying to me. MAN (rubbing his head) Man, my boss is going to be pissed. ILLYRIA Why? Will not some other worker be able to hold the callers? MAN There are no callers. There is a long pause. Very, very long. I do not understand. MAN There are no callers. This is my fate, and I have accepted it. ILLYRIA This is a punishment? It does not resemble any of the many torments I have inflicted onto disobedient servants. MAN The times they are a-changin', as the man said. (he holds out his hand) Can you give me back my headset now, please? ILLYRIA No, your agonies must be deferred, for I have use for you. You will show me where I can find the River of Lethe. MAN River? (he dismisses this with a wave) Man, that's old fashioned. They got rid of rivers here way, way long ago. We have water fountains now. ILLYRIA Fountains? Does one of these contain water from the Lethe? MAN Yeah, but it's a long da...a really long walk from here. ILLYRIA Excellent. You will show me where it is and then I will return your instrument of suffering. MAN Really? Wow, that's fair enough. Thanks! ILLYRIA You are pleasantly agreeable for a human. Do you have a name? MAN My name's Axion. With an "A" instead of an "I." My parents were mythology buffs as well as physicians, in case you were wondering. ILLYRIA I was not. I am Illyria, God-King of the Primordium. AXION Cool. Nice to meet you. FADE OUT. EXT. GROUND FLOOR - HELL CASTLE - PRESENT MOMENT Gunn and Angel have finally made their way to what looks like the MAIN DOOR of the castle. It is IMMENSE, to the point where the word simply can't do it justice. Gunn looks at Angel. Next move? (beat) 'Cos I'm sure not gonna try and scale the walls. ANGEL (staring up) Man, that's a big door. (beat) Kinda doubt there's a doorbell. GUNN You never know. Did you look? ANGEL (giving him a scoff) Doorbells in hell? GUNN My hell had a doorbell, if you remember. Angel frowns, disgruntled. Then he goes back to studying the door. Anyway, a door like this needs a nice big ol' cast iron knocker, not that flimsy suburban crap. GUNN (pointing) You mean like that one? ANGEL What one? There's no door knocker on this...whoa. There is now. Damn. Gunn reaches out to lift the knocker. (panicking) What are you doing?? GUNN Um...I was going to.... ANGEL Knock with something that wasn't there ten seconds ago? That's your idea of a good plan? GUNN It's a door knocker. (he gestures) This is a door. We want to get in. We knock. Q.E.D. ANGEL It might explode or something. Like the Unholy Door Knocker of Armageddon or whatever. GUNN (shaking his head) Man, you've been watching too much Mon-- ANGEL The thing is clearly mystical! (he gestures) Look at it! They do. Or would have, but now it's gone. (frowning) Uh oh.... They step back slowly, staring at the door. Just then, they hear a - Hello, boys. Angel and Gunn both turn around toward the voice. Angel's expression is already going sour as the woman standing behind them smiles brightly. Miss me? BLACK
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